Not sure

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See
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 17, 2022 10:32 am

Not sure

Postby See » Tue May 17, 2022 10:46 am

Hi
Not sure where to post or if this is the right place. I am finding myself in a particularly dark space and I know I need to do something to not become completely overwhelmed but not sure if I even know what to say and if it will help at all..

Depression old foe I have been running from you most my life and sometimes I think great I have left you behind for good but then when I least expect it you find me. You trip me up punch me in the gut leaving me covered in a darkness so black so thick that I struggle to breath. I am blinded to all hope and reason, my very core shrivels up and I don't know if I will be able to or want to take one more breath. Why my old foe do you come find me and torment me, is the only way to finally beat you to surrender? Inside there is chaotic desperation I am reaching out but there is no point no one sees me no one hears me... Hang in there tomorrow is another day. Talk to someone! WHY? That deep, thick, heavy overwhelming darkness surrounds me tonight....

Donnamae
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 17, 2022 5:10 pm

Re: Not sure

Postby Donnamae » Tue May 17, 2022 5:15 pm

Your feelings mirror mine almost exactly. I cannot motivate myself to get out of bed. I don't always feel this way, but the past few days have been so dark, mentally, and it scares me. I hate this feeling. Why must life be such a struggle? I live alone and would like to find some purpose.

See
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 17, 2022 10:32 am

Re: Not sure

Postby See » Tue May 17, 2022 6:25 pm

I dont have anything to give right now I am sorry for your darkness..
Its when the sun sets during those dark hours when its at its worst its a battle for life ever hour. How does a human get to this point why does it find me eveytime?
All I want to do is sleep to forget to not feel the darkness to escape. I am tired my body is weary and my mind so clouded. Around and around it goes. It drains my soul my very being. Why? Am I being punishment or am I just a useless and weak suffering as a result of my own inadequacy's?
I watch the minutes the hours tick by I toss and turn I am trying to find reason a way out. It does not come, I need for it to let me go!
I am sorry for the darkness I dont know if sharing it has any benefit I just need something outside of my world tonight to connect to until I find the light again.

Donnamae
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 17, 2022 5:10 pm

Re: Not sure

Postby Donnamae » Tue May 17, 2022 8:22 pm

I think it helps so much to know we're not alone in our feelings. I have no one close enough to me that I can trust to understand to share my feelings. This forum helps to relieve my pain because I can express myself and that does help a considerable amount. I feel somewhat confident that this dark mental state will eventually lessen, but being in the middle of it is so painful and discouraging. We may as well hold out for a better day. The term "It came to pass..." may apply here. I'd sure like to hurry up the "passing!" I always hope I will never feel this way again but the heaviness and despair seems to come periodically and the pain is close to unbearable.

See
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 17, 2022 10:32 am

Re: Not sure

Postby See » Tue May 17, 2022 11:12 pm

Its almost daybreak... Its been awhile since the darkness has been so strong. Thank you for connecting..

Donnamae
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 17, 2022 5:10 pm

Re: Not sure

Postby Donnamae » Wed May 18, 2022 1:33 pm

I am trying to find a different way to approach my thinking process. Certainly the thoughts I've currently had don't serve me well. I know I think too much and try to figure out "life" and whether I am making a positive impact and/or finding my "purpose." Those deep inquiries seem to get me nowhere. I sometimes wonder if I am punishing myself by not letting myself emerge from this dark pit. Can we love ourselves enough to lighten this load we carry?!


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