my “story”

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faytetaru
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2021 10:29 pm

my “story”

Postby faytetaru » Fri Aug 20, 2021 11:00 pm

hello, i hope this reply reaches you.. mine also started young, due to abuse.. so young in fact, i don’t remember being the utterly elusive, yet seemingly obtrusive “happy.” at least not until my daughter was born.. i had no plans or hopes for the future, besides having a daughter. for some asinine reason i thought i, of all f****** people, could give my child a better life than i had. wasn’t until my marriage was falling apart that i heard the phrase can give love if you don’t love yourself.. when i hears this i thought well that just sounds nice, it’s not real. i’ve never loved myself, i hate myself in fact. i’m not good enough and whatnot.. i always thought i was capable of loving and in fact i do love my daughter more than anything i ever have or will. as much as i love her though, i’m not good for her, she see’s me sad, knows something’s wrong, even comforts me.. she shouldn’t be at that stage at 5 years old… i read someone else say they wanna pick who best to raise their child and leave with them, then kill themselves in the hope that their child will grow up happier and not burdened as they are.. well i did the first part, the leaving song, it’s been 4 months since i’ve seen my baby girl aside from facetime.. it’s the hardest thing i’ve been through, these past few months, lonely, so lonely, and painful. i’m so ready… honestly i don’t think there is anything left for me in this world…

CamGirl
Posts: 143
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: my “story”

Postby CamGirl » Wed Sep 01, 2021 1:46 am

You still have your daughter and its not too late to make her feel that you love and care for her. Don't let her experience what you had experienced so as early as know, choose your decisions wisely.

Quiler
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Sep 13, 2021 6:31 pm

Re: my “story”

Postby Quiler » Mon Sep 13, 2021 7:25 pm

Hey Fay... I think CamGirl is right... I can relate to how you're feeling... life is hard, even more when you carry scars such as the ones you have. But in the end... it's about giving it another try... believing you can be better, if not for yourself then for your daughter.
And here's a little something someone once said that may get you through a day when there's nothing else left... You can tell yourself "I can always kill myself tomorrow", the option will always be there, so you can forget about it for the day and try to feel bette, maybe the next day you won't feel as bad :)


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