Depression Understood Forums

I am losing myself little by little each day. I keep a journal because I dont know how to talk to anyone about the troubles going on in my life. Lately I've been rereading some of my entries and I can't help but to cry. Its nothing by hatred towards myself. I've been in this toxic relationship for a while now and I can't seem to find my way out. I dont want people to know i turned out like my mother. I dont want them to know how much of failure I am. I try really hard to not mess things up more. I don't voice my opinions, I do all the chores, I put on an act for others, I don't talk to others, at times I won't talk if will help. I've tried talking about my feelings. Something I do not do and I get laughed at or called a cry baby. Or sometimes get told he wishes I would just kill myself already. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I just want to be loved. Thats all I've ever wanted. I tell myself this is what I deserve. It only gets worse from here. I just want it all to stop. I just want to not wake up tomorrow

Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry about how you're feeling. It may not make sense now but try your very best to get through it. And don't mind what other people say or feel about you. If they are that heartless and rude, then they are truly miserable inside. Love yourself, that's the important thing because we cannot expect others to love us if we ourselves do not.