Depression destroying my marriage and life

[cjulliard]

Hi guys. First post and glad to be getting out there and talking.

I've been suffering a lot from depression and it's taken a massive toll on not only my life, but my wife's too.

I thought rock bottom would be getting hospitalized on Christmas Day, after trying to kill myself. I've seen so many false bottoms and it makes me worry I may just always be like this. I gained 100lbs since it's taken hold of me, I can't mount the motivation to work out, to WORK on my mental health or at times my marriage.

There'll be good days and weeks when it'll feel like I'm managing everything well and making headway, then there'll be a flash point and I'll give up on all that work and take 3 very big steps back. My wife doesn't deserve that person. But I can't fight it when gets bad, I keep being told I need to put the work in but I struggle to understand what that means sometimes.

I don't know how to defend myself from those thoughts and feelings, I don't have the tools to work on them in the long run and I worry I will never have them.

[mousemeowkin]

It's very tempting to end it all once you've taken those 3 steps back. Getting better can seem like such an impossible goal with so much pressure to succeed and having to endure the almost inevitable punishment of having to pick oneself up again.

I wish you all the best whatever happens.

[Xberga]

Dear cjulliard,

First to be clear: I am not a therapist and I don’t have a medical background. I don’t know anything about your situation or you. This is just a post because I was also searching for tools and got them from different resources. This helped me getting out of my depressions. Maybe other have other tools or experience. This are mine!
One over all - get every day out of the bed and shower!

1. Give your best friend the promise to don’t do any attempted to kill yourself during one month. Fix a date and repeat that promise for the other coming month etc., go month by month.
2. Buy a little book. Write for the next 4 weeks everyday and I mean everyday 10 positive things which happens to you during that day. 10! That could be: the smile of a child, the Neigbour greets you, your wife kissing you, busdriver was friendly,...
3. Today you could ask 5 people of writing you a letter. They should tell you why they love or like you, what are your strength and which skills or things they love in you.
This letter take out and read when you feel lonely. You can stick it to your book.
4. Go out minimum 1 hour a day and see the nature. Thank God for the trees, birds, air. Breath deeply in and out 30 times with closed eyes.
5.Write in your book - with the 10 positive things - what are your values?
Try to live to them.
To figure out what your values are, think about 3 persons you admire and what they have in commen.
6. Eat every day omega 5 Vitaminen.
7. Draw, write or be active in this forum you are not alone!
8. Make a list of wishes you have, 12! , and every month take one and do it!
9. Tell you wife you love her
10. If you can, listen to a meditation. Or if you can do it alone, meditate. It’s a question of taste, I like e.g. Diane Cooper. Google it, maybe you find something you like.
11. Go to Therapie and maybe get some medication.
Can you sleep? Sleep is very important too.

Don’t give up! I hope they are some tools which will help you a bit.
It took me 1.5 years in total, but it’s gone.
I still do the list of 12 wishes, added a list of what I like about me to it and a list what makes me happy.
When I now are feeling blue, I check it and do something which makes me happy. Like listen to music or calling a friend or go for a walk.
Take care ! Wishing you all the best!

[Prycejosh1987]

Hi guys. First post and glad to be getting out there and talking.

I've been suffering a lot from depression and it's taken a massive toll on not only my life, but my wife's too.

I thought rock bottom would be getting hospitalized on Christmas Day, after trying to kill myself. I've seen so many false bottoms and it makes me worry I may just always be like this. I gained 100lbs since it's taken hold of me, I can't mount the motivation to work out, to WORK on my mental health or at times my marriage.

There'll be good days and weeks when it'll feel like I'm managing everything well and making headway, then there'll be a flash point and I'll give up on all that work and take 3 very big steps back. My wife doesn't deserve that person. But I can't fight it when gets bad, I keep being told I need to put the work in but I struggle to understand what that means sometimes.

I don't know how to defend myself from those thoughts and feelings, I don't have the tools to work on them in the long run and I worry I will never have them.

You will deal with negative feelings as you have said, i think you have to reason with yourself, to overcome these negative thoughts. Do not follow your feelings. They change often and can be easily influenced. Work on the relationship with your wife and work out because you want to improve things with her. You deserve your wife, and she deserves you. Your wife stayed with you even though you gained 100lbs. Look at the support your wife has given you. When marriage is done properly its the most beautiful thing on this planet.