I don’t feel like I’m alive

[brokegirlerin]

I’m going to start off by apologizing if I’m doing this wrong, I’m very new to this and I’ve never tried to post about how I feel or try a website like this.
I’ve had depression for 6 years and it’s controlled my life the entire time. There are definitely times where I’m happy, but every night it goes back to the same feeling of loneliness when I lay in bed. The main reason for my depression is that I can’t seem to love myself. I mean there’s often times where I have a huge ego but all I’ve wanted for my entire life is to be the skinny pretty person. I know that’s shallow and I know that’s not what I’m supposed to want but I feel like I would be so much better if I was. I would finally love myself and everyone could finally love me too. I started making myself throw up and I’m exercising a lot right now. I barely recognize the person I am and it makes me hate myself even more. I just want to be happy. I used to self harm a lot and lately I’ve been wanting to go back to it. I don’t want to die, not at all. I just want to be happy with myself. Is this possible? Do I just have to lose some weight to be happy or even when I do will I still find things wrong with myself? I’m a fairly logical person and I don’t want to seem like I’m begging for attention. I don’t want to bother people I’m close with because I’m not someone that opens up about feelings. I just want to be a nice friendly person that everyone likes and I just wanna love myself.

[mousemeowkin]

It's hard to get someone else's or even your own approval. Others may never realise our value and we may not even realise or appreciate our own value. And sometimes we try so very hard to prove ourselves.

I'm sorry for your anguish. I hope you manage to find peace eventually.

[Franksnotok]

Hi I'm frank and I hate myself too

I dont know if this is helpful but have you ever seen a handsome guy spit on a poor person for the fun of it. Fun fact I have, and what you may have also guessed is that he is a deplorable disgusting human being who deserves to rot. He may be handsome but behind the sculpted face is.
nothing but malice greed and hatred. Which in everyone's book should make someone pretty ugly. As for you I dont know what it's like to have a form of body dysmorphia, so I'm not going to suggest any fixes. All I'm gonna say is that you seem like a truly beautiful person who has a beutiful caring personality, which is league's better than some other people. You also have a life ahead of you. I dont know if it'll be good or bad. But if I'm gonna stick in for the ride can you do me a favor and join me. Its gonna be allot more fun staying than leaving I can assure you that. And if I may say something else I may not know you but I like you how you are. No matter what some stupid mirror or scale says. You are a wonderful person no matter what. So please do me one last favor and take care of yourself. Love frank

[Prycejosh1987]

I’m going to start off by apologizing if I’m doing this wrong, I’m very new to this and I’ve never tried to post about how I feel or try a website like this.
I’ve had depression for 6 years and it’s controlled my life the entire time. There are definitely times where I’m happy, but every night it goes back to the same feeling of loneliness when I lay in bed. The main reason for my depression is that I can’t seem to love myself. I mean there’s often times where I have a huge ego but all I’ve wanted for my entire life is to be the skinny pretty person. I know that’s shallow and I know that’s not what I’m supposed to want but I feel like I would be so much better if I was. I would finally love myself and everyone could finally love me too. I started making myself throw up and I’m exercising a lot right now. I barely recognize the person I am and it makes me hate myself even more. I just want to be happy. I used to self harm a lot and lately I’ve been wanting to go back to it. I don’t want to die, not at all. I just want to be happy with myself. Is this possible? Do I just have to lose some weight to be happy or even when I do will I still find things wrong with myself? I’m a fairly logical person and I don’t want to seem like I’m begging for attention. I don’t want to bother people I’m close with because I’m not someone that opens up about feelings. I just want to be a nice friendly person that everyone likes and I just wanna love myself.

The media likes to tell people what to be like and how to look. Somethings are worth noting, other things, however, are nonsense. Its subliminal advertising. Im not saying that it is what you turned to but its an example of a peer pressure situation in some respects. Love yourself and believe in yourself. Do not exercise just because it makes you feel good. exercise because you care about yourself and your bodies needs. You said your a logical person. Use that logic when you think about yourself. You can use logic to reason with yourself when thinking about yourself.

[KeraBear]

Hello there. I too have struggled with depression and lack of self love for years. I have found myself on endless occasions echoing the sentiment of "I just want to be happy". I just wanted to you to know it is possible to be happy with yourself even if you're not at your ideal body type and weight. It's no secret that most people wish they could have won in the genetic lottery and been beautiful, sexy, and highly sought after men and women but life just doesn't work that way. It is my personal belief that this feeling affects women more than men because of how society places such an unreachably high value on a woman's looks. I've learned to love myself but it was a long and hard road. I've suffered with depression since 14 years old and did not start to figure things out until I was 31 or 32. I am now 35 years old. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? If you do mind me asking, please disregard my question and I didn't mean to pry. I only ask because as I got older, I began to become disillusioned with the myth (and it is a myth) that pretty, skinny women are inherently happier than those of us who were not given the looks and the perfect bodies to match. I can honestly say I have never met more insecure and emotionally downtrodden people than those that society would deem exceptional in appearance. So that brings me to this question: What do you feel brings "true" happiness and fulfillment in life?