Depression, facebook and Me

[Mimi]

I'm an attractive middle aged housewife that has lost her way due to a mistake... or two, and depression is raising its lil head in my life in a real way that I can't seem to really shake. I push it back, then it comes again. I refocus and it's there again, reminding me of my mistakes and shortcomings, bringing me down and shutting me down.

I have everything I want, yet I've fallen into this abyss that I cannot seem to extract myself from. I live in a city different from my native city so I have no family here and have had to struggle and juggle to have in place the support and relief for raising a family in this situation. My mom died when my oldest was a baby, and I'm more close to my friends than to my family back home.

I am the mom of 4 kids (15 oldest to 6 youngest) I think I've been depressed for a while, but didn't really know it. I sleep or lounge a lot of the time, lately I do what I absolutely need to do and sometimes I get motivated and do more.

I don't really want to do anything anymore, I used to like to do this and that, but recently I don't really see the point to a lot of these things. Seems like I just end up disappointed or messing things up somehow no matter what. Right now I'm meddling in my teens life socially (as usual), and YES I have my own friends, but this is something that I cannot seem to change or stop.

My behavior has caused a problem and I am realizing that I may well have a MLC (Midlife crisis). I feel like I'm swimming in the ocean and can't quite get to shore. Then when i'm near safety, the lure of my obsessions tend to pull me back into the deep.

Although I know there are underlying issues, my major problem right now is with my daughter's facebook. I'm obsessed with it and feel like an addict when I don't go on to see what is said and what is happening. It started one night when she got tired of talking to a guy who was texting her and told me to talk to him instead. Well we talked until 4:00 in the morning.

It's like I'm living her life for her, when I thought I was just trying to help her to become more social and interactive, it became something out of control. She's asked me to stay off of her site, I agree, then I'm drawn back into it. I feel so stupid and pathetic.

I've talked to her and told her I have an obsession, I also shared it with my husband just the other night, but I know no one can help me, I have to help and stop myself. I feel like my behavior is created situations and possible problems for my daughter that she does not deserve. It is also adding to my mental state because I should know better and do better as an adult and parent.

I feel like I'm lost and not connecting with my family as I should in the process, but I do try and pull myself to shore with them when I notice I'm out of touch.

I know I probably need counseling, but the thought of that and the process is depressing too. It's like a cycle...

[georgiapeach]

(((((((((((((((((((((( mimi )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
welcome to the forums, im happy you shared your story with us. how does your daughter feel about you being on her facebook, and talking with her friends? i mean that has to have a personal effect on her... i hope to see more posts from you... welcome again!

[Mimi]

Thanks for the welcome, I think.

Yep, I know this is messed up what I did, and my motivation has nothing to do with it. At first she didn't care, then she got annoyed. I have stopped going on there and posting for her since I finally saw that I wasn't helping, but just becoming addicted myself.

It became like a drug to me, not at first but it evolved. Now, I don't even like texting anymore, which is almost unavoidable in this age of technology.

Funny how we can see ourselves do things, make excuses because it's what we want to do, despite any wisdom we might have, but ignore.

But the real reason why I believe I did it aside from obviously being a control freak is that it numbed me to my depression. It provided an outlet and a high, it was fun. But it was also wrong.

Getting my own FB, never occurred to me, and now that it's been suggested, I wouldn't do it for fear that I would not be able to resist going over and meddling in my daughter's site again.

[georgiapeach]

((((((((((((((( mimi )))))))))))))))))))))))))))) <--- thats a hug btw...

just so you know there is also a chatroom that is attached to this site that is very good. its basically a peer support group which is very helpful to a lot of people. if you are interested check it out... i'd love to see you in there :d

[Mimi]

Wow, I came to the chat room and it was like... a lot going on. Maybe too much for me at once, being already confused and all.

[georgiapeach]

ah yes mimi, when you came in last night it was a busy time, its not always like that though. but thanks for checking in to it...

[aim]

Hi Mini and welcome to the forums!!!

I have to agree that you should be opening your own facebook account instead of using your daughters. I know you are afraid you will become addicted to your own, but it's got to be better than using hers, right?

There is a such thing as computer/internet addiction, and it might be worth it for you to look into. Perhaps they have some solutions that can help you fight off the addiction that you seem to genuinely want to kick.

Good luck!

[Mimi]

NP, thanks Amy!

[aim]

Hey again, Mimi - sorry for calling you Mini before!! Any luck with looking into internet and gaming addiction?

[Mimi]

LOL, I don't have a gambling addiction.

I probably do have an internet addiction along with a lot of ppl. I guess that goes with being a stay at home more in a Mid Life Crisis.

Anyhoo, I did research the facebook addiction, not that that really helped. I guess it's a will power thing more than anything else.

[Emotional_77]

aim, you can always edit your posts if you make a mistake. It is usually at the top left hand corner of your post message. (((aim)))

Welcome to the formums Mimi!! (((mimi)))

[aim]

Hello...no I understand that you don't have a gambling addiction, I just meant that internet and gaming addictions usually go hand-in-hand, so I thought they would be listed together. Still, bad choice of words on my part. Sorry for the confusion. Did/do want to help if I can though... again. sorry for the confusion.

[Mimi]

Hello...no I understand that you don't have a gambling addiction, I just meant that internet and gaming addictions usually go hand-in-hand, so I thought they would be listed together. Still, bad choice of words on my part. Sorry for the confusion. Did/do want to help if I can though... again. sorry for the confusion.

Hmmm, oook.

But for the record, and I'm no expert, but for me, it does not go hand and hand. LOL, if I want to gamble we drive to Atlantic City or wait for our next cruise, and I take my $20 - $40 allotment for a few spins in the slots.

Yeah, I'm a high roller.

[Monty]

Mimi,

Myself, I fought going on facebook for a long time. The only reason that I signed up, was because my children had sites, and I was better able to keep up with what was going on in their lives. Plus got to see all their pictures.

I don't go on very often. I only access my own account, and I guess that I just don't have too many friends for it to take up much time. I know that my son has over 300 "friends" at his site.

My daughter-in-law and her sister have gone way over the edge with it so I know that with facebook, it is easy to happen.

I suppose your situation is like a lot of things in dealing with parenting. You mentioned in your post that you are afraid that you are affecting your daughter in a bad way. That must cause a lot of feelings to be brought up, whenever you go on.

I know that there are lots of us who check the Forums often so you know that things you post here will be read. I have found a lot of support from everyone here. I am sure you would too.

I also cannot do the Chat things, can't handle all the stimulation.

Look forward to hearing how things are going with you.

Keep posting.

[Mimi]

Well after going onto her FB AGAIN last night and feeling bad about it today, I decided if I can't beat them, then I would join them, so I have my own FB now!

Surprisingly, its feeding my addiction, but not in a dishonest or unhealthy way, as I felt it was before. I've found some of my old friends on there and connecting to them. So far, so good.

I'm going to ask my daughter to be a friend on her site by e-mail and see if she ignores me. LOL



P.S. Happy St. Patty's Day. Met hubby 20 years ago TODAY!!!