New Member - Figuring Out About Myself?

[Oasis29]

Hi! I am new to talking about my problems or issues since I like to keep things private, but I feel like I am at a point where I need an outlet for some feelings of anguish and guidance.

I don't think I am depressed, but I do feel sad sometimes. But I feel like it's because I am an introvert. There are moments of "What Do I Do With Myself?" I have no passion for something to strive for. I am just going through the motions of living life. I am a college student, so I am focusing on getting good grades and graduating, although I am beginning to feel lazy and procrastinating until the last moment. (But not too much because I do want to get good grades) I am currently studying abroad, so I am away from what is familiar to me, such as my family. They told me about seeing a therapist, but I am unable to obtain one at this moment.

I believe my issues start with my home life. My relationship with my mother began to disintegrate after my father passed away. She began drinking and began lashing out towards her children. Not physically but being emotionally abusive. Then she forced us to move a couple of times, so that left me with changing schools, so I wasn't able to make good friends. I am an introvert, so trying to integrate myself into an already made group of friends is pretty daunting to me. This leaves me second-guessing myself. I have trouble making decisions because most of my life, my mother has made the decisions.

I have been stuck at home most of my life, so I have not gone exploring and trying new things. Studying abroad is a new experience that I am happy about, but there are just moments of what do I make of myself in this situation? I have trouble making friends, so that may cause issues on my confidence level. Like on one side, I'm confident in myself, but on the other hand, I am not confident in talking to other people. I feel comfortable typing out my issues since I do not like talking to people. I have been working on that, but it is tough to verbalize my feelings since I mostly kept them to myself. I just sorta want someone to talk to since I have no friends besides my family. But they have their own lives and are busy. I guess it makes it feel more freeing if I am talking to a stranger online (hopefully a nice person) or a therapist than it is to an acquaintance or friend.

Thanks for reading this!

[Nyx1]

Hey I was browsing the Internet because I have also been feeling lonley for awhile. I mean I have friends but I can’t really talk to them about my personal life. I don’t really like being a burden or sounding whine even when it’s detrimental to me.But anyway I wanted to respond to this post because I know how you feel it’s surprising. For me my dad left my mom because he wanted drugs over me and her and she wanted to get off the stuff when she got pregnant thank god. So he left me before I was born and made a new family I tried meeting him and he used to me to lower his child support while he mocked how feminant I acted as an 11 year old. In my life in total I have moved 15 times all apartments we lost our home in the financial crisis.On top of that I’m just like you an introvert and nerd at that. I would be bullied at school all the time because my interests and my weight I’ve Always been chubby I’m on a diet now though and it’s getting better.I go to an adult continuation school because my mom pulled me out of high school to help around the house I did have homeschool but I didn’t try at all. I was depressed and and didn’t wanna try. I only live with my mom, grandma and brother. I take care of my grandmother when I can and help my brother, while i go to school. I have an uncle but I don’t talk to him as much cause he lives two hours away and he always told me he would love me less if I was gay. Well unfortunately for him that turned out to be the case and now I’m been slowly ignoring him in my life. I’m sure it’s pissing him off sometimes I wonder if he knows. I know I just talked a whole lot about myself but it’s important to know that there’s a lot of people like us . We are smart and creative people but we weren’t born in a perfect world. That’s why I’m on here I’m 19 and I’m on a journey of self improvement and finding who I want to be in life. If you want to talk to me more consistently hit me up on discord. Washed before he even started#2972. But I’ll continue to look at this site don’t know how much I look cause I’m busy . I always get dms on discord

[Spleefy]

HI Oasis,

I hope you are able to fix your relationship with your mother.

As a fellow introvert, I can imagine how daunting it would be to study abroad. That takes courage, so good on you.

For us introverts, it can be exceedingly challenging to meet new people and make friends. Perhaps it is something for you to overcome, which in turn will make life easier and more enjoyable. What I did was to just modify my behavior. So, for example, because I am a loner and introverted and often just keep to myself, I forced myself to do the opposite.

After a while, you gain momentum and it becomes easier to talk to people, even enjoyable. It may take time, but it works and eventually it becomes second nature. I used to find socializing an exhausting experience, both mentally and physically. Although I still find it a little exhausting, I have a higher social stamina now. Just practice, practice, practice.

Your lack of passion is something I’m very familiar with in my own life. I’ve struggled with this issue for… well for my entire life.

I’ve always yearned to have a passion for something in life. I actually still haven’t found a passion in life. Then again, sometimes it helps to redefine how we view things. For example, what do you define as “passion” in life?

What I find helps is to do the best job I can in whatever I'm doing. So when I was studying, I aimed for high distinctions in my essays. This made study much more enjoyable. It also gave me a drive. I would eat and breath essays. Researching and composing essays became an addiction. When I got those high distinctions and top marks, it drove me further to ramp it up and strive for perfection. I loved it. It became my passion.

Another example is dog obedience training. I research obedience training extensively and train my puppy everyday. Just like my essays, I have high standards and so I put in a lot of effort into his obedience training to bring out the best in him, and myself as his trainer.

Because of my devotion to his training, on his second day of class, we had an assessment. He only had one lesson with them, so I was not expecting this. Still, he came third in the class as well as he got promoted. I was so proud of him. This achievement further fueled my interest in obedience training.

Now I have a passion to make him first in the class next assessment and to be promoted. I go over the commands everyday to perfect it. Even though it is not a competition, I just do it because it drives me.

This drive or passion is growing, as I see potential training in the future for advanced techniques, such as focused heeling, tricks, as well as agility training in the future when he turns 9 months old.

I have a drive to bring out the very best in him, to reach his full potential in which only full obedience training and agility training will bring out in him.

Another example is gardening. I am working on a gardening project at home. So I am researching gardening, experimenting and learning as I go along.

This desire for a paradise in my own front and back garden has turned into an interest. This interest is now slowly growing into a passion—that is, something I wake up and cant wait to do. I look forward to getting into my garden and working on something—whether planting, weeding, adding ornaments, watering, etc. I love seeing it from nothing to slowly becoming a beautiful paradise that my uncle, puppy, and I can enjoy.

So I think if you set a goal, this goal becomes an interest. Soon after, this interest becomes a passion. A passion may not come on its own. Instead, I find it helps to set a goal and then make sure you set high standards and do the best you can in whatever it is you are doing.

You said you want to get good grades. Make this your passion. In order to get top grades, you need to learn the material rather than just merely memorizing it. Perhaps make it a passion to build a solid relationship with your mother. Or you can make it a passion to get your life to where you want it to be. Self-development can become addictive and grow into a passion. Anything can, really! It is all about the attitude you have when you do something, and ensuring you always have high standards in whatever you do.

Now that you are living abroad, you can start making decisions for yourself. Have fun with it. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Life is a journey with mistakes and accomplishments along the way. Have fun with the decisions you make, and don’t get too hung up if you make a few bad ones along the way because you will make many--we all do.

To me, it sounds like you’ve got some great times ahead of you: improve relationship with mother, perhaps even be a good role model for her. Find some goals in your life that you can grow into a passion. Challenge yourself out of your comfort zone to make friends. Get top marks in class. And many more goals. Fun times ahead. Enjoy it!

[Prycejosh1987]

Hi! I am new to talking about my problems or issues since I like to keep things private, but I feel like I am at a point where I need an outlet for some feelings of anguish and guidance.

I don't think I am depressed, but I do feel sad sometimes. But I feel like it's because I am an introvert. There are moments of "What Do I Do With Myself?" I have no passion for something to strive for. I am just going through the motions of living life. I am a college student, so I am focusing on getting good grades and graduating, although I am beginning to feel lazy and procrastinating until the last moment. (But not too much because I do want to get good grades) I am currently studying abroad, so I am away from what is familiar to me, such as my family. They told me about seeing a therapist, but I am unable to obtain one at this moment.

I believe my issues start with my home life. My relationship with my mother began to disintegrate after my father passed away. She began drinking and began lashing out towards her children. Not physically but being emotionally abusive. Then she forced us to move a couple of times, so that left me with changing schools, so I wasn't able to make good friends. I am an introvert, so trying to integrate myself into an already made group of friends is pretty daunting to me. This leaves me second-guessing myself. I have trouble making decisions because most of my life, my mother has made the decisions.

I have been stuck at home most of my life, so I have not gone exploring and trying new things. Studying abroad is a new experience that I am happy about, but there are just moments of what do I make of myself in this situation? I have trouble making friends, so that may cause issues on my confidence level. Like on one side, I'm confident in myself, but on the other hand, I am not confident in talking to other people. I feel comfortable typing out my issues since I do not like talking to people. I have been working on that, but it is tough to verbalize my feelings since I mostly kept them to myself. I just sorta want someone to talk to since I have no friends besides my family. But they have their own lives and are busy. I guess it makes it feel more freeing if I am talking to a stranger online (hopefully a nice person) or a therapist than it is to an acquaintance or friend.

Thanks for reading this!

Get out there and enjoy yourself and your life. Communicate with others, and go to places with people that you around you. You could make friends at school, at work, etc.