Hi IcePrincess082,
It’s fantastic that you have been proactive and tried a variety of coping strategies.
In my case, I found that counseling had limited impact because my neurochemistry was out of whack. I have tried journal writing, too. But that had no effect because all I did was just write about how miserable I was and thus strengthened that feeling.
What worked for me was to change what I was focusing on. Rather focusing on trying to overcome depression, I instead focused on health: regular routine, study, healthy diet, and plenty of exercise. This was actually by mistake--i had no idea it would work
I can’t recall how long it took to overcome the depression, but it was less than a year. All I remember is, one day, realizing that I wasn’t feeling so depressed and suicidal, and I was actually planning for the future.
My diet included salads, vegetables, fruits, fish, nuts and seeds, eggs, legumes, and plenty of fruit/veg smoothies with coconut water and spirulina. I ate fish everyday for omega-3, which we need for healthy brain function and mood. If you don't like the taste of fish, you can just opt for omega-3 supplements. Just be sure to get quality supplements, not the inferior versions such as from supermarkets.
https://www.lifeextension.com/search#q= ... lcategory=[Products] this is a link to Life Extension, which sell quality supplements. I am not working on commission for them--I got some supplements from them years ago.
I can’t say if this will work for you, as you also have coexisting conditions that may add to the complexities of your situation. It will also depend on the individual and many other factors, such as support network and environment.
Speaking of environment… this was also pivotal in my healing. I abhor the city (well, at least to live in it), and thrive in rural areas and the wilderness. Once I changed my physical location, I had the perfect environment (for me) to start the healing process.
The city was hindering progress. However, in retrospect, if I applied the same strategy, I think I still would have overcame depression--just at a significantly slower rate. Either way, the city would have kept affecting my mental well-being, so it was absolutely necessary for me to move to an area surrounded by beaches and the forest.
This won’t be possible for everyone. But the point I am making is that, whilst I had no idea how to heal myself from depression, I did know that being close to the bush was the key! The other strategy I mentioned above was based on just taking a chance. I had no idea it would work. I was just so tired of fighting depression that I figured I might as well focus on my health and get into a good routine. Lo and behold, no more depression!
While this sounds too "simplistic", simple is sometimes better. We don't always need complex treatments to treat complex conditions. Leave that for the doctors and pharmaceutical companies that make bank from sickness. Of course, I'm not saying they don't have their place--they absolutely do! But you will find that life is better and more enjoyable when we just simplify it--that is, don't over-complicate things.
In addition, what is great about the strategy that worked for me is that you need to do those things anyway! We all need to eat nutritious foods, exercise regularly, and keep a regular routine in order to be healthy or have any hope of healing! Food and exercise is also a natural antidepressant--more powerful than the synthetic concoctions.
This isn't encouraging one to not take medication. That is something only we can decide for ourselves after speaking to a naturopath and/or a doctor and making an informed decision. I just chose not to have anything to do with doctors or the pharmaceuticals, even psychologists. Psychotherapy didn't work years prior because my neurochemistry was too messed up. I had to first rebalance my neurochemistry before I would be receptive to talk therapy.
Turns out I didn't need psychotherapy after all, since restoring my neurochemistry function automatically made me think more positive. The ONLY reason my perception was distorted and why I was feeling flat, empty, and lifeless, was because of the imbalance in my neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and dopamine.
I studied naturopathy, so i was just using what i was learning to overcome depression. Had I not studied it, I would have just went to see a naturopath. So that is something you might consider. A naturopath will thoroughly examine you and treatments are individualized.
So don’t give up hope. Twenty years is a long time, but you WILL find what works for you. Had I not persevered, I would never have overcome depression and anxiety. Just keep an open mind and heart and be ready to try new things, old things, and everything in between (provided they are not self-destructive), and you will find your strategy and be liberated.
All the best.