Depression Understood Forums

I am a single, 51, going to be 52 soon living with depression for about 15yrs. I have been reaching out for 15yrs, and was told several times I needed ECT. So hence, I keep trying alternatives. I am considered medication resistant so they are always trying new meds. They usually last up to 6mos, and then I bottom out. It gets real old living with this nightmare but I have the relief of believing in God. Also knowing that I am not alone helps tremendously.

Relationships with women/men can be a struggle because I forget, confuse conversation, or just push them away. I think at times I would rather be alone, but at the same time I tend to obsess on negative thoughts 24/7. I know I am better around others but as I said I still desire the aloneness, and I know I am not understood.

Oh how I would love to go to someones house and play cards, or just be invited over to watch tv, and eat popcorn. These are my desires but won't happen.

I am divorced my husband left for someone better, whole, and happy. Most of the time I am blaming myself for some of the things he had to endure with my sickness. I just cannot figure out why he just didn't get it, and continued the nonsupport in thinking I could just snap out of it. When I needed him the most, I was receivng the opposite. I still blame myself, and also still love him after 10yrs.

I yearn to meet someone that understands, and maybe even write, or live close to me that does "get me"

I don't know if this will help any, but as I was reading your introduction I got a vibe that you seem like a fun person to play cards with or watch tv and eat popcorn. . Though, I myself am only 21 love those things lol. I don't act my age... then again sometimes I do (thinking of a few things).

Well, welcome to the forums. Glad to know you have become a member and hope to talk with you further. Keep on posting, we are happy your here!

just thought I'd reach out to some of the other newbies...one thing you said though caught my attention...sometimes we compare our insides to other peoples outsides...don't be so sure that your boyfriend dumped you for somebody better! Just might look like that to you from the outside...for all you know you have it all over her in compassion, intelligence..a host of other virtues...that's why I try never to compare these things, end up going down rabbit holes! lol....

we have chemical disorders that might of been aggravated from our upbringing, but it's certainly not our fault...we have much to offer...if you study great people like I do, from Churchill, so many people...that have suffered depression just like us...so never count yourself out, someone is out there who will know all the great things you have to offer! Please forgive my preachiness, lol....really nice to meet you...I too am investigating this type of therapy, just hope my anxiety will let me do it if I decide to....read Carrie Fisher's book and she really peaked my interest!

(((((((((((((( Pax ))))))))))))))))))))) just a hug and hello for you.

Warmie