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hobo clown
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri May 26, 2017 10:48 pm


Postby hobo clown » Fri May 26, 2017 11:25 pm

Hi Everyone,

I have been suffering from depression for many of my teen years and all of my adult lifeI am currently taking medication, which helps a lot, but I still struggle everyday.. I have some issues that are causing a lot of difficulty for me and I will like to introduce them here and will address them in the forum later. I don't want this introduction to sound like a sob story but I am afraid that it will.

I have one problem that I feel has led to all the problems that I am currently experiencing and that is that I have little to no self esteem. Well, that isn't exactly correct. I like who I am. I think I am an intelligent and capable person who has a lot to offer the world. At the same time I feel that I am a total failure and more often than not I do not feel that I deserve to be successful.

For six of the last seven years I was in a job that made me miserable and left me as a broken shell of a person who feels defeated and worthless. For the last year and a half that I was working in this job I was applying to other jobs and never even getting a hint of interest from any of the companies I applied for. I had even secure the services of a professional career counselor and still nothing. This forced me to take a job that I am way over qualified for, taking a more that 50% pay cut, just so that my wife and I could have health insurance.
All of this together has made me feel worthless and even more defeated and broken than I did last year when I ended the toxic job I was in.

The other issue is the pay cut and underemployment situation has created a lot of tension and between my less than supportive wife and myself. She is not shy about calling me a looser and rarely misses an opportunity to make me fail like a failure. We have our first kid on the way which I am excited about. I am also quite worried because I am sure that it will ad a lot of stress to an already tense situation.

Finally, I have no friends. This is not hyperbole. Out side of the people that I hold conversations with and work or who I run into while walking my dogs I have no one that I converse with. There is no one that I can meet to have a beer with or hang out with. I have tried to make friends but I don't seem to be very good at it any more. The only person in my life is my wife and more often than not I don't want to talk to her, or can't talk to her because one of us is angry with the other. This has created a serious isolation problem that is not helping my sense of self worth.

If you have read all of this thank you, I appreciate it greatly. I look forward to talking to all of you.


Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Hello

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Mon May 29, 2017 4:43 am

Hi Hobo, welcome to the forums and it's nice to see you.

When did this all start happening? Was it work what triggered it first of all? Are you working at the moment? I'm sorry to hear what's happened.

Are you receiving any form of benefits at the moment? Universal Credit?

I see your self esteem has been the worse effected. It understandable that it would be. I too get very low self esteem and it always seems to be losing a job.

When your working you get your motivation back and confidence. When you don't you go the other way round. That's probably what's happened to you. You need something to keep you busy.

You talk to your wife but doesn't seem to be very helpful. Could you speak to your doctor or someone else? Would increasing your medication be helpful at this time?

I would talk to someone first like a doctor or other professional. Also maybe a careers adviser if your not working.

I think first things first speak to your doctor.

Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2017 1:03 am

Re: Hello

Postby terryymf » Fri Jun 16, 2017 2:17 am

Hi hobo,

I could understand your feeling as I have the issue of low self esteem too. I have depression and anxiety disorder for 17 years, like what you said the medications help but I have my struggle everyday. As I'm quite introvert, i have very few friends, and I don't feel comfortable to share with them my dark side as they don't have emotion disorder.

Anyway, just wanna say I could understand your struggle as I have been through mine. Pray for you! Hope we could some day be better.

Best wishes to you and your baby.

Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2017 4:27 pm

Re: Hello

Postby Amyn73 » Fri Jun 16, 2017 4:32 pm

Hey There,
I read your post and feel like we could be depression twins. Although I am not currently taking meds, I've tried several and had counseling. Nothing quite overcomes the loneliness and isolation, no matter what I do. My family doesn't understand. I have no friends close enough to share these things with. Sometimes I want to cry just because it's so damn hard to do this alone. That's why I sought out a message board. I just signed up today and yours was the first message. Perhaps we can both feel better to know we aren't alone in our feelings. I hope today gets better for you...and me .

To brighter days,
(From Illinois, USA)

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