Depression Understood Forums

Long time ago, when I was only 3 months old my dad left us. I've never met him in my life, I saw only his picture. I've never missed him because you can never miss what you haven't experienced. But I guess I had some troubles, especially during my childhood. I was often jealous on other kids. Long story short, he died last year and that's it. I've always had a slight hope that he would change his mind and that he would contact me, but that never happened and that hope is now gone forever.

I've had a nice childhood until I was, let's say, 10 yrs old. Everything went down afterwards. Often we didn't have nothing to eat (me and my mom), I couldn't buy basic things for school, and so on, it was very hard. We've struggled for many years, but everything turned out to be good.

Now I'm 24 yrs old and I'm confused and lost. I live with my loving boyfrend in a nice apartment, we both have good jobs, and we love eachother very much. I'm on an emotional roller coaster every day. I cannot make up my mind about anything, I cry often with no particular reason and everything makes me very sad. I feel great sadness everyday and it seems to me that I can't experience the joy of living anymore. I have very low self-esteem, and deep within me there is a subtle voice or a thought that everyone are better than me and that I'm not good enough. I dont feel like doing anything despite the fact that it's a beautiful weather outside, I would rather stay in bed. I find comfort in eating chocolate and ice cream which I'm hiding from my boyfriend. Sometimes I would not take a shower for two or three days. I know this is very embarrassing but it lasts for a very long time now, and I have a feeling that it is only getting worse. What worries me the most is that I really don't have a reason to act and feel like this. And I also feel very uncomfortable being in public and talking with strangers.
I would really appreciate any replies and advices, it would mean a lot to me.

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, girl. Your life is precious and you don’t have to carry your burdens alone. Please get some help right away – tell someone who can assist you with how you’re feeling. A caring professional counselor would be in an excellent position to offer support and help you to cope with your difficulties. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will provide the comfort and help you need at this time. Stay strong. Hugs!

Hello
You've been through quite a lot as a child. It shows that you're very strong. You should be proud of that.
I know it's hard. But you've already taken a big step by deciding to share your story! It might not seem like much, but it's a start.
Don't beat yourself up. It's okay that you're feeling this way, even if it's for no reason. You don't have to be embarrassed about it and you're certainly not alone!
Try being open to people you trust and are close to. Try discussing how you feel with your boyfriend. I know it might seem hard in the beginning, but you'll see that it's nice to have someone to talk to.

Stay strong and keep sharing