Depression Understood Forums

I'm rather new here. You have all been so kind - to me and to each other.
I've pretty much ruled out suicide as I've seen what it does to those left behind and I never want to do that to those I love.
I've fought this for 17 years. All kinds of treatment. I'll do fine for awhile, that treatment "poops out", then I try something else.
But I've noticed that I don't take care of myself much at all any more. Just letting myself slowly withdraw and slip away. This is one slow, painful way to die.

I'm new to this forum and also struggling with depression and anxiety. While it at first seemed situational, it now feels like it's a permanent part of me. I've also ruled out suicide because of what it does to others I leave behind. Now, I'm also at the point that I am not taking the best care of myself. Sometimes, it's difficult just getting out of bed. Eating a block of cheese for dinner is easier than cooking chicken and steaming veggies. God forbid I have to go out of the house to get something. My husband has taken the role of grocery shopper (it used to be primarily my task). I'm keeping myself going because of him to some extent though, but I've found that it's hard to do this alone. I've withdrawn from people, though it hasn't been entirely willing. I'm a student who will be graduating in August with a masters, but right now, my internship start date has been delayed by two months. Thus, I'm in the house 6 days a week with no other interpersonal interaction aside from my husband after he comes home from work. One day a week I go to class for four hours where I see my teachers and classmates. Having recently moved, I have no friends in the area. Thus, my reasons for reaching out in these forums.