Depression Understood Forums

So here I am reaching out online because no one around me understands. I feel so alone and terrified. I am reaching out here just to talk even if no replies. Maybe it will help, who knows. I am 22 and everyone tells me I am an old soul, wise beyond my years and that I see things most people generally don't. What brought me here to this forum was an incident that occurred last night. I was in a manic phase and aggravated it by drinking and having a panic attack. I don't want to be this person, I want to be able not to drink to make myself feel better. I just want to breath.

I think the fact that you know what you do and do not want to be is a tremendous step in the right direction. Do you have a counselor? I do and am even able to email mine. I hope you have one and the ability to contact him/her quickly.