Depression Understood Forums

My company pay for my housing and about a year ago I rented out 2of the rooms then another friend of a friend was in a fix so I let her have the tiny room for practically no rent.

Beth was a friend since I moved here 3 years ago. I was very controlled about her eating and obsessive with the gym. Hattie is also very attractive and skinny and very dependant on having a boyfriend. Stephanie who I was just helping out was also very healthy, worked out a lot and is stunning.

For months I felt a really weird vibe esoecially with beth and became quite paranoid. Every time i confronted beth she told me i was being oversensitive and paranoid. One day I looked at Beth's phone (I was desperate and am not proud of it) what I found were weeks worth of nasty messages between Beth and Stephanie 'all the chocolates gone, I bet it was Hayley,' calling me a teletubby saying I was addicted to self pity because I complain about my weight then binge etc'

When I confronted Stephanie she just flatly denied it, Beth originally said sorry and thst she was worried about my health and annoyed that I make out to people that I'm healthy when I'm not. then turned it back round on me for invading her privacy and whist Stephanie apologised she was cold and distant. I was shocked that Stephanie was part of it as hadn't picked up anything. I thought she was sincere in her apology then saw messages about how she had to stop herself laughing as when I said teletubby otherwise she knew she would be homeless. Beth moved out, steph stayed even though I was worried she was taking advantage but she is very charming and I just didn't have the energy.

The irony is I was probably average weight with the occasional chocolate binge and then I started comfort eating, avoiding going out, feeling more depressed and withdrawn than usual. Ive out on over 2stone and none of my clothes fit so then I'm even more depressed. I feel like I was bullied in my own home, betrayed by a close friend who used my biggest insecurities to make fun of me. I'm starting to socialise a bit more now but my confidence and self worth are really low and my paranoia is sky high. I'm 31years old with a very good job and feel likei did when I was bullied at school. Beth has since moved countries and I had nothing to do with her after she went, I will also be moving soon but recently have been feeling resentful, paranoid and insecure. I don't want to take any baggage with me but don't know how to shift it and trust people again. I'm angry at myself for basically becoming what they were mocking, a binge eating depressed recluse.

Sorry for the long story but any ideas how I can break this cycle? I suffered with bulimia at 16 after I lost a lot of weight and have since had ups and downs with my weight and always depression though managed with Prozac .

Hi Hayz;

The first thing I think of when I think about breaking a cycle is we have to commit to doing something we don't want to do. Most of the time people think that means doing what we have to do or what we're supposed to do. But doing one thing that pushes us out of our comfort zone can break cycles in other areas of our lives and give us the strength to put other habits in place.

I think one of the easiest ways to get started changing habits is to give a few hours a week as a volunteer. It doesn't have to be a huge challenge. I don't think it should be. When we commit to giving our time to others we often find initially it means only a little to us and much more to others involved. That can change over time but it can bring perspective to our lives simply unavailable from the vantage of our inuslar homes. And a volunteer effort, like therapy, is impermanent. Also like therapists, you can try a few out to see which fits.

Lastly, Welcome;
If your looking for encouragement, keep posting. Your bound to find some here.
Frame

Thank you Frame, I'm actually going to be moving from Dubai to Singapore in a month with work but will definitely look at volunteer work when I'm there as i think it would be very gratifying and also help me meet new people. I'm just hoping that when I do meet new people i don't keep thinking that people are mocking, judging And taking advantage of me. My mum is very paranoid and sensitive to things and i know how it can become self fulfilling - I just don't know how to break it and genuinely look for the best in people.

I was thinking also of joining a sports team and using the change as an opportunity to restart old healthier eating and exercise patterns.

Thank you so much for the encouragement and support - it means a lot.

Those are all good things Hayz. You might also consider (you might want to close your eyes and breath deeply slowly first) looking at new relationships slightly differently. You might start with the premise that everyone you meet, Everyone, actually is mocking, judging, and looking to take advantage. Here's why:

1. Most people are human and to some extent really doing these things. It is a reflection of how they view the world, their insecurites, and has little if anything to do with you.

2. If you assume that everyone is acting this way it won't be a surprise. You won't have to take responsibility for it. It's their responsibility to be mature, not your responsibility to act in a way that let's them act mature.

3. It's not mean to think that most of the people you meet will be rejects. And it's not your fault. The true friend, the solid match is rare. It will be much easier to stay aloof and cultivate the good ones than to try to accept everyone and weed out the rejects. It's too much work.

So keep an eye out for the best in people absolutely. But it's probably easier to do it from a bit of a distance.