HURT. ANGRY. FEEL ALONE

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4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:38 pm

Hello,
Thanks for the congrats. You basically nailed it Saragupta. The fine and community service feels like a punishment, yes, but if I had lost in court, (fair or not) then I most likely would have done a while in jail. This would probably result in me losing my new place, including everything I own. If having to take a more passive way out means keeping a roof over my head, then I'll take the advice of my lawyer and not chance it before a jury. I still go to court Thursday morning to sign the paperwork and bring it in front of the judge. After a couple years, this case gets dismissed as though I were never accused of breaking the restraining order. (nor will it be on my record)
I hope you're doing okay now, Sara. Oh! I failed to answer your question...No, I will not have a trial--as I was so stressed about! It will be the prosecution, myself and my lawyer presenting the PDA to the judge.
Frame, it depends on the Direct TV package-- how much you pay. Myself, I pay about fifty a month. I am aware that I can watch programs online, but it's a good way to drain the battery! And, although I have unlimited web on my phn, I'm starting to wonder why my battery drains so fast when I'm not even using my phone that much. (!!) HELP, Sara! ...

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

yahyeee! wohooo!

Postby saragupta » Fri Sep 20, 2013 2:43 am

Okay so that means u ll have to live with a few conditions, for next 2years. BUT still i am glad that now u won't have to go thru that horrifying trials. I mean, Sara cud go to any limits. Right! U can consider urself free 4everme. I know it's hard but at least the most dreadful part is over. M i Ryt?

I am soooo happy for u. I wish i was good at expressing myself in words. U know i always find it very difficult while wishing someone on his or her birthday. I just don't find words to express!

Please please please download this song right now!

I love this song : Fireworks   Katy perry.mp3 Download here: http://dilandau.eu/mp3/8fd6e4f5dd4e96ac ... 26ac2.html

I know u won't need to see the lyrics of the song while listening it, because it's ur first language(English)! But i got to admit that i always lack words to express my self but this song is saying exactly what i wish to say to u, 4everme! And for that i wud like to thank Katy Perry. Ha ha ha.

Here we go!

"Fireworks" by Katy Perry

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?
Scream but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause, baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause, baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause, baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

****
I hope u liked the song.
U know, i have been writing my life's story since many days in my mobile notes. But dint paste it here. I thot wen u ll get over with ur case and all...then i ll share it with everyone and YOU.
Will paste my story soon!


Heh he he he he i literally laughed when i read u saying to frame sir, "help Sara"
Okay a few tips on how to take care of phone battery
1. Never keep ur cell on charging for full night. It damages the phone and of course the battery.

2. Cell consumes more battery if u r watching videos on internet or if u are playing 3D games.

3. If ur phone is having option of GPS/Navigation. Keep it off. Whenever u need it, u can turn it on. GPS consumes cell's battery like "bottom's up of a glass of drink"!!! (i have never tried alcohol in my life till date, but my friends used to tell me about that)!!

4. U shld turn off, some of ur apps (i am not saying to delete them) which u don't use that often. For step by step instructions on how to do that, I ll have to check in my cell. Will tell u later.
If i forget plz remind me Oki.

But for now enjoyeeee the song!
*********************
* Oh baby u r fireworks, *
* Boom boom boom *
* Even brighter than the *
* Moon moon moon. *
**********************

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Fri Sep 20, 2013 2:49 am

Shitt!!!!!
I just realized, after looking at the size of my posted post...that my post has consumed almost 80% of ur page! Sorryyy
U know there's a weird thing about me i am very talkative on chats or messaging but when that same person is sitting right in front of me, i don't have anything to talk to or to express. And then i am labelled as a very anxious and puzzled girl. I am working on it.
Again i am happy for u . Ha ha.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Fri Sep 20, 2013 2:04 pm

Hi Sara,
Thank you so much for the words of that song! I have to admit it got me choked up, and the lyrics really nailed it on a lot of what I've been feeling. So, which end of myself do I light to go whizzing to the moon. Hahaha. Me wants to know! I haven't been on an interesting trip in a while. And I promise to send cool pictures of my moonlit adventure. Seriously though, that was sweet! (Don't argue. Just agree) :-)
Please don't worry about taking up space on this page. I really do appreciate lengthy responses, to be honest with you. It's much better than a one-sentence post like...What's up, man? Haha!
I look forward to reading your story, and I wonder what you're up to?
And yeah, I have some apps that I fear are running! I want to start and stop them when I want, without accidentally erasing.

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Sat Sep 21, 2013 2:08 am

U liked that song!!! Thank u. Did u download it?? Music is soooo...music itself is enough to uplift the mood. Trust me. Download it. Okay.

Umm...which part of u...hmmm...u know, there has to be a silvery flammable tail like thing attached to ur soul. Everyone has it. U need to light that up! Yeah.
Ur daughter myt also be verryyy happy for u, Ryt? I mean, whenever my mom face a problem i always know that even if she is standing strongly but deep inside there's an innocent child in her who is protesting for care. I feel really helpless when i want to help her, she doesn't stop me, but sometimes i have nothing in my powers to do anything for her. I can bet, ur daughter myt have slept that night (wen u myt have told her about ur freedom from this case) with a peaceful smile on her face. :)

Oh god u literally made me to feel that feeling of being caught again, when u said "it was sweet...don't argue just agree" ha ha ha.
:D
Okay about the mobile, i think u shld take ur mobile to the company's authorised center or shop. U can search the addresses of their outlets available in ur city, on internet.
They will turn off the unnecessary apps from ur phone. I am saying this because i have no idea about what apps u r having and wen u myt need them. So a mobile technician guy will do a better job.
Like, u can ask him to explain the need and use of each app one by one and then u can ask him to delete or to turn them off one by one. Oki.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Sep 21, 2013 3:37 pm

Silvery, flammable tail-like thingy attached to the soul?!! Hahaha! You are just too much, Sara! I took a swirling, swiggeroo of my morning coffee, and when I read that part, I just about sprayed it onto my shirt. Yeah, I believe you and I have that same crazy humor. To me? The more crazy and off the wall it is, the better! It can be frustrating though when I'm talking to someone who doesn't find anything funny...Makes me wonder how they get through this life in one piece.

I didn't tell my daughter about the court thing, because she doesn't need those kinds of worries at such a young age. (16)
Also, I forgot to mention that my 10 days community service was lowered to 5 days, and then THAT was converted to 5 days of electric home monitoring. So, I go back to the courthouse Oct 2nd to be fitted with the electronic ankle bracelet. (because I'm suuuch a bad girl) Haha.
Do you recall my telling you how the prosecution told my lawyer that I could take a plea agreement of home monitoring? Remember when I said it would cost me $100a day, and that the $500 total would be due upfront? Well, after appearing before the judge a couple of days ago, the judge told me to see the officer across the hall (who deals w/the comm service and electronic home monitoring). Soo, I went to see him, and he told me that the only comm service work they have involves labor-type work. I told him that I have a bad back and knees, to which he replied that I could always do the 5 days in jail. No thanks was my answer. He told me I could choose the 5 days electronic home monitoring. I replied that I didn't have $500. He said, What!?! Who told you it costs $500?! I told him, My lawyer. The officer made an insulting comment about lawyers, then said that it costs $50 for the five days!! He asked if I could afford the fifty, to which I said that if it weren't for my court fine, I could. He then asked if I could pay $25. I definitely agreed to THAT! He will even allow me to leave the house to run errands. (those of necessity) Is this SO bad? I'm just glad I own pants that are boot-cut. No one in town will see the ankle device! OR...I can wear shorts,a black T-shirt and my leather Harley Davidson vest, and watch people turn pale--thinking I'm some dangerous, hardened criminal! Haha. Actually, in most places, it is the dangerous ones who have to be monitored. The county I live in? The judicial system is smart! They know they can make money by giving ppl the option of E.H.M. I mean, most ppl will pay some $$ to avoid time behind bars and all. Oh no! Phone needs charged. I'll get back to you. :-)

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Sat Sep 21, 2013 5:31 pm

I am so glad things are being resolved for you in turn 4Ever.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:17 pm

Awww. Thank you, Frame. You've been with me from the very start, and the first to respond when I initially cried out. I'll always be grateful to you, my friend. Hugs.
I will not cease to pray that God bless and protect you, Frame.

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Mon Sep 23, 2013 1:25 am

I am glad i cud make u to laugh. Don't worry, this electronic monitoring or anklets things will also pass by.
That 500 $ thing...yea i remember that. U had told me that Wen i had asked u about out of court settlement. But what was ur lawyer thinking? Why did he lied u for money! Adding an extra zero to just 50 $. He knew very well what u were going thru....both emotionally and economically then also he tried to "extract" money from u. That's really terrible. But please, it's a serious advise, 4everme... Don't say anything negative to ur advocate / lawyer. Remain as friendly or normal as u have been. Because people can be so egoistic that if u try to make them realize their mistake, they try to take revenge...instead of making efforts for the self reconstruction of their humanity factor.
I hope u have got the basic idea behind my jumbled words. Don't say him anything about that. Or else he May create legal problems for u. (god forbid). So, Just let it go.

Mmm. I understand. U did a very right thing by not telling anything about it to ur daughter. U r a very nice and dear mom! She is lucky that u r her mother. And along with that, it also shows that u r soooo strong also. Just don't lose this strength. Imagine, Everything bad that has been going on is all set with its bags and suitcases. Just waiting for a Damm taxi. Everything bad is just going to get over....these pathetic anklets also. Okay. Just try to maintain ur calm.

And never forget, that u have Me and frame sir to listen u unconditionally. Okay.
Be strong always.
Bye.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Mon Sep 23, 2013 4:53 am

Thank you, Sara. :-) I definitely know you both are in my corner. Because of this, I don't feel as alone as I would otherwise. I appreciate you guys taking the time to truly care, despite having your own hardships! I only hope that I have been of help in some way, in return.

Don't worry about me saying anything to my lawyer! I realize it must have been a misunderstanding. Your taxi comment cracked me up! Haha...but right now I can't recall all the words. I've been up late and growing tired. Yaaawn...

Maybe one day, I'll post my story. I just don't have the energy to spare, right now. (Was so wrapped up with the other stupid bullshit) I feel zapped, and all of the crap was just so ignorant and unnecessary. Hmm...Believe me when I say I'm really holding back on some of the language I'd love to use. Oh, thank God! I don't see her hateful, wretched face anymore.

So thrilled it's almost org...
Haha! I'll..um, stop typing now.

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:18 am

Hey hi 4everme,
How have u been! Is everything okay at ur side? I wish it is.

Yes, u r absolutely ryt. I had been going thru a lot of stressful stuff. Please don't mind, but i want to be honest with u. I wasn't busy all these days...but i had no will and energy to talk to anyone. In fact while studying, i had been staring the same page of my book for like an hour or so. In short, my mind was total blank--but still preoccupied with irritating thots.
U will certainly understand how much a person feels alone in such a period of time. And then i read ur pm, day before yesterday. There u had written "you are missed"....that line just made my day. But i dint reply immediately. Because i wanted to reply u with same warmth and care. That time, my mind was on a bit of a mean + sad + depression + angry side and i dint want to reply ur sweet msg with that temperament.
Although when someone shows me their genuine love or care towards me (except my parents) it makes me feel like running away as fast as i can and then i want someone to lock me in a secret room. But still i am trying hard that my fears don't control me completely and don't deter me to at least reciprocate the care given to me by someone.

Thank u so much. Really.
For understanding me and for bearing with my fears as well. I know how it feels when u keep giving ur love and friendship to someone but u don't get anything in return. I am trying to combat my deadly fears for friendship and love and care.

I am Sorry. I dint even ask u once in all these days, how u were doing!!!!
I wish everything is going on positively at ur place.

Saragupta.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:00 pm

Hi Sara,
It's okay. I understand not having the mental/emotional energy to talk, write, etc. I'm totally familiar with that exhausted drained feeling. :-)

This msg has to be short, because I need to go somewhere in a few minutes. Anyway,.I went to the court house to get that electronic home monitoring device placed on my oh SO criminal self. Haha! But I'm okay, otherwise. Hope you are too, Sara. I'm thinking about you. Take care, and hang in there!

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Wed Oct 02, 2013 6:52 pm

I may have to think up a poem about you and that bracelet of yours.

Did you at least get to choose the color? I mean your paying $50 bucks for it.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:51 pm

OMGsh, Frame. Haha!
I would love to read it. Actually, I told the officer that I couldn't afford $50, and so he asked, "How about $25?" I said, "For the entire five days? Okay!"
He kinda joked around with me when he fastened by big, bulky sexy anklet on. He said, "Now, don't be putting any bling on it. Try to leave it like it is" I said, "What about stickers? I'll come back and you'll have to peel em all off." He laughed, and then we both said, "Or glitter" at the same time. The officer and I both cracked up. He said, "You'd be surprised what I get back sometimes!"
So, there's some ideas for your poem, Frame. Title it: The Barbie Bling Bracelet. Haha...
After paying my bills, though, I've got a meager $45 to stretch throughout the month. When I moved into my new place, I didn't have the entire deposit. My landlord told me I could space some of it out. I paid the majority of it upfront, but owe $50 a month for three more months. (in addition to rent) This was kind of my landlady to space the remainder of it, but it comes close to breaking me, as you can see!

Oh well, I have five days to think about what a 'bad girl' I've been, and while my anklet dances each time I walk, I'll ponder over all of the imaginary crap my last neighbor went through. Pooor thing. Lol...More like, "BAD DOG," while I dream of her harnessed to a neck bracelet. Heeheehee.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:17 pm

Or...maybe I should hang some jingly bells from it, and paint them all the fruity colors of the rainbow.

Ha ha ha ah. ;-)


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