HURT. ANGRY. FEEL ALONE

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4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

HURT. ANGRY. FEEL ALONE

Postby 4EverMe » Fri Jun 21, 2013 11:37 am

Hello to everyone. Will be honest and say that 3 times in the recent past i succumbed to those dark, nagging thoughts. Guess its good that im alive and found this website. Thankyou to YOU who began this--a place where depressed, hopeless, and isolated people (like me) DO stumble upon...to find that atleast, we collectively, are not alone here.
That said, i need to spill more of my heart. I have various depressive issues, that also include panic disorder, major isolation, ptsd, etc. To really pile it on, is the fact that several big things have hit me ALL at once--I could lose everything!. I will post more on this another time. PLS pray for me.

Frame
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Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Fri Jun 21, 2013 12:05 pm

Prayers on the way.
Tell more when you can.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Refreshing someone reached out

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 1:30 am

Hi Frame. Thankyou for responding, and for your prayers! I'm really needing BOTH. Its overwhelming to go this, AND take the time to write so many details. However, all i have in life is time. So, here goes...I have court coming up on the 26th of this month. Recently, a neighbor of mine (someone id also befriended once) decided to get a false restraining order placed against me. Rather than state her hame, ill call her 'Sara'. Sara was successful in attaining this order because her statement to the court was full of lies, the twisting of TRUE facts, and also by the leaving out of facts--so as to mislead anyone who wouldn't know better. She framed me out of spite, & by painting herself the 'victim,'...garners the pity of those around us. Only a day or two prior to my 'being served,' she threatened to get me "kicked out" of my apt and for me "to just wait and see." I had NO earthly idea she would lie to get a restraining order, just to try and get this accomplished!!!

Is she crazy? Evil? Stupid? Or all three?
Last edited by 4EverMe on Sun Jul 21, 2013 2:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Story Continued......

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 2:40 am

I see how evil one can truly be. 'Sara' is one of those types of people that need CONSTANT attention & drama...like a 2 year old. When i used to hang out with her, she complained incessantly about EVERYTHING! She was not one to smile unless there was someone to gossip about. Though all of this annoyed me, i remained her friend. Drama. I should have seen the red flags! So, I was served and also given a court summons by a sheriff who knocked on my door. It came as a HUGE shock! The timing? It was literally DAYS after 3 failed suicide attempts, during a time when i was trying to look at life in a more positive way!! Anyway, we went to court 2 weeks after i was served the temporary R-Order. When it came my turn to explain that i had never harassed 'Sara,' it all went so fast. Because of my Panic Disorder, it was hard to even be out of my apt.!! There was a small pause at the end of my sentence, and i was planning to give the judge an important piece of evidence:
Last edited by 4EverMe on Sun Jul 21, 2013 2:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Story still continues...

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:23 am

This important evidence was a written statement by a mutual neighbor. She was w/me and an eye-witness, when I supposedly "harassed" my neighbor 'Sara.' She was present when Sara threatened to get me kicked out of here. The so-called "harassment" was my complimenting Sara on how her make-up looked and my attempt to offer her some extra curtains. The written statement described how rude SARA was towards ME! Regardless, i am now living a nightmare. So, back to court...The judge began speaking during a brief pause in my speech. I thought she would get back to me and ask if I had anything more to present to the court. (Of course, i wasn't goin to interrupt). BUT she never did, and she made a quick ruling in Sara's favor!! BTW, Sara had brought her little girl to court. I wasn't very surprised by the ruling, as Sara had put in her statement a lie that her child was "terrified" of me. Cont...
Last edited by 4EverMe on Sun Jul 21, 2013 3:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

On going NIGHTMARE cont...

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:49 am

There are many details I could divulge. However, it would mean writing a 'novel.' I digress...So, forward to June 1st. My neighbor 'Sara' called the cops and complained that i violated the R-Order. I couldnt believe it because id done NOTHING!! What had happened was that I'd stepped onto my porch to smoke a cigarette. Sara's little girl, (who is supposed to be "terrified" of me) walked over smiling and trying to talk to me. She used to be like a neice to me. But i remembered the R-Order that states there is to be no speaking, physical gestures, 3rd party contact, etc. So i turned my head the other direction while mindfully keeping a friendly expression; I didn't want to hurt this childs feelings. I was about to go back into my apt when Sara looked out her front door to see her child happily talking to me. Right away, she meanly grumbled something like, "Dont you talk to her." My 1st reaction would be to say that i didn't, but all i did was walk back into my apartment. I did NOTHING to violate the R-order!
Last edited by 4EverMe on Sun Jul 21, 2013 3:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Nightmare gets worse...

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:20 am

So, the police came. Im sure that Sara was hoping i'd get arrested!! Was a strange evening because the cops had already been across the street and had made an arrest.They'd just left. Soon after, here they come again! And to MY front door--due to Sara's call. I pulled the officer aside and told him what had TRULY happened. I explained to him that i would NOT violate the R-Order & that it was falsely obtained to begin with. I pointed to various boxes filled with my possessions, (YES, this R-Order has caused me to have to move!) and I told him i wouldnt risk losing all that i own AND my Sect.8 just to wind up in jail where they dont give prescribed medications. For a LONG time, ive been on a high mil of xanax for my panic attacks. Coming off of them cold-turkey can be FATAL, not to mention horrid hallucinations & withdrawal! NOTHING would be worth THIS kind of horror!!! Cont...
Last edited by 4EverMe on Sun Jul 21, 2013 3:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

My story continues...

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:06 am

Its kind of an emergency: I have MANY things going on but i will state the most important. My mental health is deteriorating due to EXREME stress. I have a neighbor who has no problem lying to obtain a bogus R-Order against me. She lied a 2nd time in saying that i violated it! Thankfully, i wasnt arrested then!! I DO wonder when 'Sara' may try this again. Although i wasnt arrested, i received another summons to go back to court on June 26th. This will be an arraignment where i will plead NOT GUILTY and ask for a court appointed lawyer. A court date will be set where i will THEN learn my fate!! Through ALL of this, i have to FIND a new place, FIND people/volunteers who will help me move my things to my next place. (no vehicle) Im disabled, in part, due to a bad back--its hard to pack all this stuff myself. My Mom just got out of the hospital after a month and a half stay. She is dealing with numerous organ problems and is still being tested to see what else is wrong

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

My Story Continued...

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:33 am

So, my Mom lives in another state and i have/had no way to come and visit her. She was in ICU the first part of her hospital stay. My sister found this out and told me. No one was supposed to know because my Mom didnt want anyone worrying about her. She was in ICU for weeks with MULTIPLE organ problems. She then stayed at a different hospital to undergo various types of rehabilitation. The ONLY REASON SHE IS HOME is because her health insurance 'ran out.' I am VERY worried for my MOM and dont know what id do without her. She may have a type of Autoimmune Disorder like Lupus. I just know that her organs are NOT good and that for some reason her body has been rejecting/not holding pottasium and magnesium. Our bodies NEED these to help keep our organs healthy. Even when she was fed these intraveiniously, in the hospital, her body (for reasons unknown) wouldnt hold onto them. She should still be receiving hospital care. :( Cont...

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

My Story Cont...

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 6:13 am

I sure thank everyone who has taken the time to read whats currently going on in my life. Have been needing to more thoroughly vent. Unfortunately, venting wont make me feel better because everything shredding my sanity REMAINS A THREAT...But just to know someone out there cares will make a difference to my heart. I dont know how it will change my situation,...but with enough people praying that im not falsley arrested? This may really help!! It is being arrested, because 'Sara' decides she wants to lie against me?? It is being in jail that would cause ALL the dominos to fall. I have Sect 8 Housing and if im in jail and am not able to pay my rent? That would mean i would be released only to know id lost my apartment and all my belongings. I also wouldnt have Sect 8 anymore, in hopes of getting another apartment thats affordable. (I receive SSI Disability each month). I HAVE to be on the Housing program to survive. If not, my ENTIRE check goes to pay each month. IVE REALLY GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

And On It Goes...

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 6:43 am

Yes, there is more to my story aside from all that ive written...Hmmm--Im really cutting lose arent I ?! I knew id jot down more of my situation. Just didnt know id release this much. My neighbor 'Sara' has gossiped to surrounding neighbors that she has this R-Order against me. Its amazing how many people will join in the gossip without knowing both sides of the story!!! Some people have been sneakin around my apartment at night, even NOW as i write this. (Off-n-on, for the past few hours) Seems like theyre trying to intimidate me. Ive been thinkin about calling the cops. Ive been hearing whispering and movement of a bush right outside my front window, a man and woman speak briefly in a low voice, leaning noises/loud creaks against my front door A few nights ago, someone threw a couple small rocks at my window. Living here is hell right now, esp because of my anxiety level!!! I feel like i could explode right now. Its terrible

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Lost, Angry, And Feel Alone...

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:00 am

. Its 4EverMe again. Hello to all who show up here! Um, as it is clearly visible to the eye, i had obviously let some of the 'dam' burst on my problems!! And im not thru yet. I hope that more readers will show up here and read all the posts i made. There are many! I know! But i couldnt help running out of space in each posting box.. So id have to continue typing in another one. I figure if i tell my story, i should let others know the details. No one knows my real name. Maybe this is helping me to say how alone, pissed off and anxious i feel. Ive been inwardly tough all my life when i was homeless, during and after abusive relationships, ETC. ETC....Now im 41. After everything ive gone thru and survived in this life, Im tired. Im not on depression meds like i need 2B. Im at my worst right now. I really want to say more--BUT without being judged. God is the only reason im still here after all ive faced in my life. Its the truth. I left an abusive relationship not so very long ago. A year or so?

Frame
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Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:01 am

Hi 4Ever;

This is good. I'm very glad your writing. I've read most of what you read and although I know your situation is extremely stressful, I have a couple things to think about, that might help.

First of all, my very close friend was harassed the way you've been harassed by your neighbor and ultimately was evicted through aggressors actions. But his story has a very good ending and so I'd like to tell you about it.

But before I do I also want to say; you can only be responsible for your own actions and not matter how lying, cheating, or vindictive someone is to you the most positive thing you can do is treat it like your watching a bad movie, just sit relax watch and don't interact. This is why.

People who listen to, spread gossip from, disreputable people are themselves being disreputable people. Jerks don't get face time with good honest people, not for long. You want to align yourself with good honest reliable people. Not matter how bad you feel inside (whether you feel worthy or not) your neighbor is sick and reacting to her puts you in the orbit of sick people and chances you getting mixed up with them in other peoples minds.

So the farther you are from them, the clearer the difference is to good honest people looking at the situation from the outside. Eventually, people like your neighbor lose all support from reasonable people because of there actions. Don't get caught up in the whirlwind.

I know this is much easier said than done when you try to plan it, but to make a decision to try to live it everyday, it's begins to happen on it's own. One of the reasons my friend (let's call him Sean) was harassed by this brute (call her Jen) is because she was wasting her life and Sean, initially wanting to help, found he couldn't help. So he stopping trying, he had moved on because he was pursuing a more positive path.

He had to make a decision. Try to be a friend where his efforts were a waste or work on more positive parts of his life. It's a struggle to get and keep a job these days, everyone knows. He focused on that. So (long story short) she attacked him verbally over and over and he was evicted. It's possible that if he hadn't engaged in fighting back, he might not have been. But he is a reactive type. We're working on that.

But to try to shorten the story further. Less than two months after being evicted he had found a place in a much more supportive environment; it was a room in a house with people he could interact with rather than an apartment he could hide in. And because he had concentrated on what was really important to him (his career) within the two months he found a job he loves.

I not saying it's gonna be roses for anyone. Or that your situation is going to resolve itself in two months; but I am saying DO concentrate on the positive parts of your life and try not to let yourself be distracted by people you don't want to be like. Even if they're trying to drag you down. They will get there's, you don't have to waste your energy, Kharma will do the job.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Alone.Angry.Hurt

Postby 4EverMe » Mon Jun 24, 2013 4:15 am

(pt one)Hi Frame!
Thankyou for your response! Ugh...I cant wait to be some place far from here. It truly is an oppressive spot to be in. Cannot stress this enough! Ive attempted to enter a chat room so that i can find quick one-on-one communication but it refuses me because it wont work somehow using a mobile phone. When i returned to this website a while ago, it took me a while to find this spot where id posted. (wanted to see if i had any responses.) Do you have any pointers on how to quickly come back to this page once im on this site?
I appreciate the advice you gave. Yes, ive been ignoring this person--as i isolate myself in my apt 99.9% of the time anyway. I know this isnt healthy, but my anxiety keeps me confined. For panic attacks, i take xanax. After years of use, Ive a pretty high tolerance to it, so when I DO walk out of my apt its usually because ive indulged in a couple drinks. (I know its not good to mix the two) but it feels great to finally be able to stand on my porch and enjoy the sunset!!

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Alone. Angry, Hurt

Postby 4EverMe » Mon Jun 24, 2013 4:47 am

Part 2 of response:
So, a couple evenings ago, i stepped outside and it was nice leave my confines without feeling so self-conscious! My new-found freedom was soon interrupted by the comments of neighbors. Though i couldnt decipher what was said, i could hear my name and the negative tone of voice used. On top of that, someone a ways down the street yelled "bitch" and was looking at me. I dont even know these people! All i could think is that the gossip has truly spread. Wish i knew who's been sneaking around my apt. Initially, i thought it was sure to be a man. Lately, ive been wondering if its 'Sara.' Why? The mere reason is that she is VERY obsessive about me. This neighbor cannot just leave things be!! She also has insomnia and is up throughout the night. I happen to be female, so the very thought of this makes me sick and infuriated!! The fact that she lives next door, would explain why i havent been able to catch her in the act. GRRR! Frame, i HAVE been trying to leave all this alone. Cont...


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