Depression Understood Forums

37 Y Female, married. I've been suffering from depression for about a year, perhaps longer. It is not chemically based depression. I don't have a chemical imbalance, I'm just coping with a life decision I made that I deeply regret and cannot undo. I've had suicidal thoughts daily for at least 6 months. I avoid my friends. Family. I disconnected from the friends online. I left the groups I was in, on facebook, all of them. I used to be an active community member, who helped others. I could no longer continue.

I just wanted to disappear. Just vanish. Go. But I can't. I know I will hurt others. I know I will be missed. I know they will be so angry, so hurt, if I left them permanently. And it's only for this reason that I am still here. I decided today, in this particular low point.....that I could not do this alone.

I've been so alone. So unable to talk to anyone about how I feel because I'd just be a burden. Who wants to hear from a friend, whom they can't even help, that their friend wants to die? Who wants that burden of knowledge and knowing they can't do anything about it, or they HAVE to do something about it or they won't be able to live with themselves if their friend actually does something to hurt themselves. No. I could not share my feelings. I could not do that to a friend. So here I am. To spill my anonymous heart to strangers.

we all have regrets in our lives, but it is about facing them, understanding them, and then having acceptance for them, and then leaving them behind.
suicide is a pointless journey, take it from me i know.
you have to be strong in life and face up to its challenges.
life is not meant to be easy, it can be at times.
go and get some professional help you will feel better for it.
take care