Depression Understood Forums

Hi
Just kinda found myself stumbling on to here, feeling pretty low tonight and needed somewhere to go. Feel like recently I've hit the lowest I've ever been and scared as to where it may lead me. I'm fed up of constantly having to fight for things to go right in my life and don't know why I even bother trying.

Hi Juliet welcome

Sorry to hear youre in such a dark place at the moment. Know youve got the support from us here in the forums and in the chat room though... Whats been happening?

take care

jj

So much is happening, my grandad is seriously ill, my brother who I used to be really close with has disowned his family, my mum is in ill health as well, I'm constantly being hurt by men and feel like I will never find someone to love me, I desperately want children and feel this getting further away from me, my work life is stressful. So many people have abandoned me and let me down in my life, my dad was the first to start that pattern. Not even my doctor cares, I called to make an appointment to discuss increasing my anti-depressants and was promised a call back but nothing.
On Sunday I turned to drink to try to block everything out and numb the pain, I'm constantly wishing that I could just end my life and angry at myself that I'm not brave enough to do it although I feel that I am getting closer to being able to which both terrifies me yet makes me feel free. I just can't cope with all the constant disappointments and struggles I have to go through. I battled so much to overcome agoraphobia but wish I hadn't bothered. I've started sending myself nasty texts encouraging myself to kill myself and generally putting myself down.

Hello Juliet. I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. Most of us go through difficulties and wish things had gone right for us. However, we stand up and fight. That is what life is for. There are two sides that I would like to take up separately.

Side 1: Your interaction with others. You cannot control how others choose to behave with you. However, I have always found the fact that what I am trying to do and how I am behaving with others is the right way to go (most times), comforting. Whenever there is a slip - up on my part, I acknowledge the fact that I made a mistake and try never to do it again. That's what I can control. It always gives you a positive feeling to know that you have never been wrong knowingly. And if you have, admit that you made a mistake, learn what to do and what not to do, and move on. Because that's a positive thing, learning. What it also helps you learn is what kind of people to avoid. I am sorry to know about your grandad. I hope his condition improves soon. As for your doctor, they are busy people and might not have missed it due to some reason. If you take this personally, you will only feel worse. Why don't you call him back?

Side 2: Your interaction with yourself. Why do you feel so low about yourself? You have come so far, done so many things, and now want to give up? Not fair! You have battled agoraphobia, and as far as I can understand, you have been successful to a good extent, that's a wonderful achievement! Don't you only want to see this get better? The fact that you want to keep fighting says how brave you are. Life is an opportunity to achieve, to overcome the biggest apparent hurdles. Use it! Why don't you try sending texts of praise to yourself for a change? That might be a good place to start.

I can tell you that bigger triumphs are awaiting you. Wish you all the best!