hi-- new

[jetdaisy]

Hey to anyone out there. I had seizures due to a antidepressant and am struggling to get back on my feet. I wrote a longer post that was more detailed, but maybe I was timed out. It wouldn't post.

[Search]

That really sucks on both fronts. Hope your able to try again when your feeling better.

Regarding the antidepressants. Some people can be very reactive to those whom question their use, however only the individual can discern what works for them. Whilst it can take quite some time and a number different medicines as well as doctors ... I avoid using anti depressants, only in extreme circumstances will I use them.

Excuse me, if I am barking up the wrong tree. Just introducing myself I guess, whilst commiserating with yourself. I just turn into an inactive blob when on them myself.

Nice to meet you. I usually type my posts in word/office to avoid the frustration of time outs. Not always, but mostly.

Hope your doing OK.
Cheers
Dave.

[jetdaisy]

Hi Dave,

Thanks for responding. I'm doing much better. I was put on an anti-depressant that has a low risk for seizures and it's working. It's an oldie with lots of research on it. I don't trust any newly developed medications of any kind anymore. And really don't care for medications at all anyway. After the seizures though, I had a certain amount of time to get back to work, and the doctor's finally nailed down what caused the seizures just in time for my postion to still be waiting for me. The aftermath of that though has been hard.

[jetdaisy]

I know to post quickly now! My worry was that since my doctor's didn't want me on antidpressants at all anymore, was that the depression would start slowly making its way back-- which it did. I kind of look at it like diabetes. I'm fine if I manage it. I have a Master's and a great job. And gratefully got to go back. But I noticed that something in the air had changed with my supervisor.

[jetdaisy]

I came back to work super happy, was doing my job which is such a great happy job with wonderful people to work with. Happy I survived the seizures and the cause was found. I work for a company that is based 76 miles away where I have little personal contact with my employers. I was chosen for the postion because I had and have proven myself to be a creative problem solver. I've never ever heard anything back from them except for postive feedback. And the people I work with also write in really nice letters about the difference I'm making in their lives.

[jetdaisy]

Since I've come back, my supervisor has asked me to document what I'm doing hour by hour which she couched in the frame of "We really just want to make sure you're okay and ready to get back in the saddle." Totally reasonable request. So I did. And in that time frame started two new programs, found the volunteers to run them which was no easy task. And with every check in, the response started getting harsher.

[jetdaisy]

So my morale started dropping. I've been getting such positive feedback from the community, that the response I was getting from a distance was all negative. No boring anyone with the details, but salaried, if I worked overtime and on weekends, nothing was acknowledged. If I asked if I could leave an hour early in order to make to my son's baseball game, that was flagged. And as I was worried it would, the depression slowly but surely creeping back in. As it did, I was in clear communication with my supervisor that I was a bit concerned about that.

[jetdaisy]

Long story shortish-- was treated again with a low risk antidepressant, and am doing so much better and within a week's time. I am not a confrontational person at all. Diplomatic, professional, look at all sides before I make any decisions, and in general very careful with my words. Today was no different, but the criticizing emails have just not stopped, and not only are they inaccurate, but sometimes cruel. I've been documenting for awhile what was said, what was agreed to, etc. And then today I received an email that I couldn't just shrug off like the others. I was told that I didn't follow orders to do a certain thing since I had come back to work. I had to pour through emails to document that I had, in fact, done everything I was asked to do. It really was the first time that just sent in the correspondence that refuted the claim.

[jetdaisy]

No one ever wrote back. It can take a long time to hear back if ever about certain topics.

So venting a little. I'm not sure what's going on. All I know is that this all started after I came back from being on a very short term disability leave.

Trying to stay positive even though it seems like there's someone leaning on her. She hasn't shared that information, but attitudinally, she is not the person I knew before I had to take a leave. And I also know the pressures on her are tremendous and have grown exponentially recently.

[jetdaisy]

So that's where I'm at today. I feel a lot stronger, feel like I have a grip on the depression, and am able to express my feelings in (I hope) in a healthy way. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

For every door that closes, 3 more fly open