Depression Understood Forums

Hey everyone

I've never posted in a forum of any kind before really, outside of FB... but inspired by a mild urge for adventure combined with a recognized need for outlet and support, i decided to join this conversation.

Well, im currently in school studying medicine. I do enjoy learning medicine, however lately I find myself struggling to keep up with the pace of school. Not because i lack the capacity to, but instead because lately, ive grown weary of fighting off the low, lethargic, apathetic moods i presume most of us are well acquainted with. They started about 3 years back in undergrad when i started to notice sporadic inexplicable despair in excess of the customary heaviness that came with my introversion. Initially i was gung-ho determined to resist submitting to the darkness. But the chronic sullenness and anxiety of depression just wore me down after awhile, and life just started to feel like a cruel joke, rendering me frustrated, tired, and discouraged.

Many of my friendships have eroded over due to my persistent disinterest in most things (and i DESPISE both faking enjoyment and constantly being a downer, so i isolate myself in that dark area between the proverbial rock and a hard place). I fortunately have managed to sustain a handful of friendships, which i realize is all you really need afterall...but its hard because i have to put on the happy-mask whenever im around them...

There's just a lot of pressure on me right now because i've been successful my entire life and im carrying a TON of expectation on my back... and i can feel myself seriously slipping right now when it matters most because of this damned annoying unshakable sadness and fatigue. I try to be thankful for the many blessings in my life, but thankfulness is not a cure...it almost mocks me nowadays...like why exactly am i thankful for waking up to yet another miserable day???... I just cant see this sad saga ending. Coping with this crap for the rest of my life seems unbearable right now, especially in regard to the profession im going into.

not to harp too much...im here now, and maybe we can help each other out with feedback. thanks for reading, just being heard has its benefits.

It does have benefits because you can be around people who understand that no matter how successful or how happy you should be, depression and anxiety has effects on anybody.

I know I have so many things to be thankful and in turn I feel guilty for feeling bad, which makes me feel worse.

As long as you realise that your problem is as unavoidable as the flu, and at the same time, it can be defeated - you'll be on track.

You made a wise choice by coming here

Hello whoelsethinkstoomuch. I can certainly relate to your feelings. My experience with depression has lasted about three years that I can reckon but considering prior self medicating with alcohol, may have been much longer. I have been on and off anti-depressants for almost 2 years now. I saw a psychiatrist for the first time yesterday and he accused me or rather suggested that I was someone that thought too much. He says this is a coin with a shiney side that wants to understand depression, the causes, treatments, medications, therapies etc. But this coin also has a thorny side. Those were his words. The thorny side is that while overthinking my condition, I turn inward and when I consider negative things about this disease, it makes my condition worsen. I am not sure if that applies to you or not. Cognative Behavioral Therapy suggests that (trying to, because it is not easy) maintaining a positive outlook can elevate your mood.
The nurse/therapist I now see as well, suggests that had I sought professional help sooner I might be at a much different place in my life now.
I think your coming to this place is a good thing as you recognise you need help. If you have not spoken to your Dr about this yet I strongly recomend you do so right away. I know it is difficult to admit to yourself let alone others that you have a problem but in my experience, the longer it goes untreated, the worse it gets.
You have a promising life ahead of you and with the right help, you can learn to live with or beat depression and attain your goals.

Hi Whoelsethinkstoomuch, a big welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read that you are struggling with school work and friendships. As your studies are teaching you, there are multiple factors that have to be examined when assessing a medical issue. I hope you are able to get a proper assessment and you take the necessary steps to help yourself feel better. You are not alone here with your feelings. Please continue to post and let us know how things are going, take care.