Please help, new member!

[Laura90]

I am a 21 year old mother of 2 beautiful 3 year olds, one being mine from a previous relationship and one being my step child from my fiance' previous relationship and I will soon be married to my amazing fiance' of two years! On the outside I look like I have the perfect family life but my problems started a year ago, in February of 2011 my mother-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer and sadly passed away in May of 2011 aged 45! She was an amazing women whom did everything for her family and I looked up to her as being someone I wanted to be like! When she got sick I took on everything by myself, running my own household and hers also and lost sight of my owns needs, I kept this up long pass her passing and finally it caught up with me and roughly 3 months ago! I was put on the antidepressant Zoloft and have been having weekly visits with a psychologist and everything seemed to be looking up until a week ago when my stepson was taken from us by his biological mother (whom is a drug addict who has never been interested in having any relationship with her son, we have had him since birth) and because there has never been any reason to get a custody agreement put in place, it was never done so now legally she has the right to do so! This has crushed our whole family, my mother has been regularly taking my daughter because I feel that I have been unable to give her the love, affect and attention that she needs and deserves, my partner bottles everything inside and just concentrates on work and I lay in bed trying to sleep, crying my eyes out and eating everything in sight, unable to do everyday activities or daily grooming because I feel to guilty ! Im absolutely a mess! Today I spoke to my psychologist and she recommended calling my doctor and maybe upping my dosage but im worried that, that is not what I need and maybe hospital is more what im needing to get myself properly accessed and on the road to recovery because if im not able to be healthy for myself im not going to be able to be healthy for my daughter and also in getting my son home where he belongs! What are your opinions???

[dd-va]

Hello Laura and welcome to the forums. Sorry to hear of the loss of your mother-in-law and the loss of your stepson. I can only imagine how heartbreaking that experience was for you. My advice would be for you to do whatever it is going to take to get yourself well again, you have a daughter depending on you, and the stepson as well. You have to make yourself well again so that you can fight for him, fight to give him what it is he is needing. Talk openly to your doctor, make a decision together on what is needed to do next. Also, talk with your partner, you are both hurting over this, keep those lines of communication open. As easy as it is just to shut away from it all, reach out to him, talk to him, let him know how you are feeling. I am glad you have your mother to depend on to help you with your daughter, but try to do things with her as well. They are so smart, even at that age and can read into our emotions, they know when something is bothering us. I hope things work out for you soon, take care and keep posting, let us know how things are going.

[Laura90]

Thank you so much for your comment back! I had a mother/daughter day with my little girl today because have been feeling guilty that I have seemed to have pushed her aside! She is my whole world and I live for my children! Had a great day with her but secretly feeling extremely guilty that I was smiling and laughing and enjoying myself because my stepson is not home with me!! Good news though, going to see a lawyer tomorrow about getting him back and also have a doctors appointment to fix up my medication and one of my weekly psychologist appointments! Tomorrow is the day for good things, and good news!!! Think after yesterday I cant feel any lower! Never have I felt so helpless in my whole life! Just want to have our amazing family unit back! On the bright side today was the first day that I havent been bed ridden and unable to interact and was able to smile and actually clean my house and cook a meal for the first time in a week, since being told my stepson wasnt coming home, I needed to get up and do it for my amazing little girl who IS still here with me and needing me ever so much because she very much feels the loss of her brother and the strain it is putting on her mummy and daddy! Feels good but as I mentioned before there is still that guilt but thankfully I have an amazing psychologist who allows me to call her on a personal number and one of the strategies she recommended was to recognize when I was thinking negatively or unrealistically and write down the negative thoughts and then write down a few realistic ones! So when I was feeling guilty for smiling or laughing, I would then think to myself well hold on if I could have my son here with me I would have him here but for now I have done everything legally I can but soon enough he will be back where he belongs!!!
Wish me all the luck for tomorrow, keep everyone posted! Have a good happy night everyone

[balcony]

Hi Laura90, thank you for sharing your story with us. I too am very sorry for the death of your mother-in-law. Taking care of a terminally ill person is an extremely difficult task. The toll it takes on the caregiver is often not understood until much later. I am sure you made your mother-in-law very proud and I know you gave her some special moments as she was clinging to life. Your partner must also be devestated by the loss. I hope both of you will be able to share your feelings with each other.
Congratulations on your children. Age 3 is my most favorite age I think. Little people with little minds and huge, sweet hearts. I hope the situation with your step-son improves, I am sure that will help with your stress. It sounds to me like you are taking a lot of great steps to get yourself well. I congratulate you on your courage and strength. It is so hard sometimes to ask for help. I look forward to reading more and I wish you and your family the best.