Depression Understood Forums

...I learned to open up. Keeping everything in certainly isn't working and I doubt an in-person therapist could even get me speaking.

I deflect everything with humor, I have no close attachments (save my boyfriend who knows me best, but he can't even begin to pull me out because he can't pull himself out either), nobody comes over, I screen every phone call to VM.

Why?

To hide the fact that I can barely move. To hide the fact that I rarely leave my bedroom. To hide the fact that I've lost job after job because after awhile I just can't talk myself into going. To hide how bad its actually gotten.

I'm on a higher-than-normal dosage of anti-depressants and that enables me to actually get out of bed for a few hours each day and sit at my computer. Without them, a typical day would be spent staying in bed and watching movies and documentaries. With them, I only do that for half the day. I don't know where to go from here.

Welcome to the forums MissConduct! Glad to see you have found our chat room too. Hope that you are able to find support in both of these great places! I can identify with the inablitly to open up.....I very seldomly show any emotions and have the bad habit of holding everything inside of me. That is part of what brought me to this site. Here I am able to open up, express my true feelings without the worry of hurting anyone, or being judged. I hope that you are able to do that here as well! Take Care and Keep Posting!

Hi Miss Conduct and Welcome. I am so glad you are able to write a bit of what you feel here. Perhaps most things in life can be looked at as an exercise in habits and practice. We all have good ones and bad ones. Opening up, communicating etc..is instinctual for some, but not many,and certainly the struggle with depression can make it close to impossible. I hope the posts will help you feel more comfortable and able to talk about the things that bother and you and maybe that will translate to the outside world as well. I admire your strength and courage, take care and hope to hear from you again.