Introduction

Introductions and welcomes.

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birdman
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2007 10:17 pm
Location: Northeast Ohio

Introduction

Postby birdman » Sun Dec 30, 2007 11:05 pm

Hello,

I'm a 55 year old man that is suffering from depression and anxeity. I am looking for people to talk to who will be understanding to my current situation. I have been on depression medications for many years. Recently I have been seeing a psychyatrist.

As of right now I'm feeling pretty good and that's probably because of the new meds that I am on. I have been married for 10 years and I have not worked in a "real" job since 2004.

My wife and I decided that I would be a stay at home husband because we have a large amount of parrots and cats and I take care of them and do all the housework. I also cook and do other things that need to be done around the house like cleaning the garage, house maintenance. I'm usually pretty busy.

I am not a perfect husband. I do have my faults and I am trying to work on them to save my marriage. Several months ago my wife told me that she was not happy with our marriage anymore. She said she was fearfull of me and that she also wanted to have childeren. Now I have never hit my wife but I have been verbally abusive in the sense that I have threatend to hit her and also I have been very manipulative and controlling. I told my wife that I would work on these issues. She wanted to go to a marriage counselor and I refused, so she went to a therapist on her own.

While this was going on I was trying to change my behavior. No threats or anything like that. When she went on business trips I would not try and track her down on the cell. That was a hard one for me and it's taken me quite a bit of work to realize that I need to trust her.

I am originally from the Los Angeles area and I told her that maybe it would be a good time for us to have some seperate time. I planned a four day trip. I thought things were getting better in our relationship. I was a bit nervous about leaving because something told me that something may happen. Not in the sense of her cheating, more of some other thing. I was worried she may hire an attorney for divorce even though I truly thought things were getting better. She assurred me that was not the case.

So off I go to Los Angeles to see my old friends. On the third day I was there I got a text message from her. It said, "I love you. I have retained a divorce attorney. Please don't call me, just send an email."

She did exactly what she said she wouldn't do. I went into a very deep state of depression, anxeity and even worse I was very angry.

So she has this plan laid out for a desolution of marriage and at first I said OK but then I thought I really didn't want to lose her and we talked about what I could do to try and save the marriage. First she wanted me to go see a therapist and I agreed. However I was so depressed during the first two weeks I was back I couldn't get out of bed, every move was difficult and I even thought about suicide.

Another thing she wanted me to do was go back to work so I wasn't around the house so much. Full time. So it took me a bit of time but I found a job and I will be starting in about a week. I really don't want to get into what I do, but it is a very demanding job that works some strange hours and it can be very hard on you emotionally.

So to get to my point. I'm am scarred to death of going back to work. I'm pretty set in my ways and I have a tough time dealing with people who are younger then myself. I'm worried about what will happen to my parrots as my wife doesn't take care of them at all. You see parrots need a lot of attention and you just can't stick them in a cage and ignore them. Many of you might not understand that but if you are a bird owner it's one of the things you learn if your going to have a good relationship with your parrots. Essentially they are like kids that are in the terrible twos. They will throw tantrums, scream, yell make a mess and if they get hormonal they may even bite and that can be very serious.

I've worked very hard to keep our house nice and to take care of the birds.

And the fact that my wife has suddenly decided to have children at the age of 40 is not something I want. I made that perfectly clear to her when we first got married.

So I'm afraid of going back to work. I'm afraid I'll lose my wife. I don't know how the house is going to be kept since my wife never lifts a finger to clean. That's ok when she's the bread winner but if I'm working that sure as hell isn't fair. Then about a week ago my best friend who I've known since I was 11 was diagnosed with throat cancer. I have no other family other then my best friend who I consider my brother and my wife.

Anyway that's my situation. Sorry to go on so long about it but I need to be able to talk to someone who understands. The therapist I went to was useless. My shrink has worked well with me and I'm OK so long as I take my meds but sometimes I don't take them and I can become a mess.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to me. It always feels better if I get all this stuff written out. :)

clever1
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2007 9:53 pm

Welcome Birdman

Postby clever1 » Sun Dec 30, 2007 11:36 pm

As a newbie myself, I hope you are able to find comfort and support here. It is amazing how just talking helps us feel better. I wish I could give you more help, but the one thing I wanted to comment on was

"so long as I take my meds but sometimes I don't take them and I can become a mess"

I cannot tell you how true this is for me. The biggest step for me was to realize that I need the medication and I personally can notice the change. Sure it is great that those around me notice I'm better, but I'm the one that needs to feel better. Hang in there and we are here for you.

birdman
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2007 10:17 pm
Location: Northeast Ohio

Postby birdman » Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:43 am

Thank you for the welcome. I feel pretty good today. I am having trouble with entering the chat room and I know what the problem is I just don't know what to do about it. I've sent an email to see if they can help.

clever1
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2007 9:53 pm

Chat Room

Postby clever1 » Mon Dec 31, 2007 12:01 pm

Try this link.
http://www.depression-understood.org/ma ... nchat1.htm

It may prove to get you there...Good luck!!

birdman
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2007 10:17 pm
Location: Northeast Ohio

Postby birdman » Mon Dec 31, 2007 12:18 pm

Thanks, I didn't have a problem getting there. It was getting in the actual chat room. I found the problem though and it's much simpler to fix then the way the forum help links suggest. I will send them an email so they can change their instructions.

User avatar
Warmsoul/Jeanie13
Posts: 29196
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
Contact:

Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Mon Dec 31, 2007 2:13 pm

birdman,

Just so you know, the chat room picks up around 7/8 EST, states, midnight for UK time. Glad you did find chat room and hope to visit with you in there later.

Warmie/Jeanie13 8)


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