Confused, scared and lonely.

[Babuboo]

I'm not really sure what to say. I'm 31 yr old mother of a beautiful little boy whose 6. I have suffered from depression all my life but have always been able to pull myself out of it but now.. I can't. A little over a week ago I had a major meltdown, too much stress built up and blew up. I didn't realize things were getting so bad til I couldn't function, couldn't stop crying and my son kept saying "this is the worst night of my life". It broke my heart to hear that but at the same time I felt powerless to control my emotions and myself. I spent a week with my mom who got me in to see a dr and he put me on an anti-depressant. I know I'm supposed to be patient and that it takes time for them to work but in the meantime I feel like I'm hanging on the edge, like I'm going to fall apart again at any second. I feel alone and isolated from people I care about. My girlfriend who I've been with for 4 yrs says she wants to be there for me but doesn't know how and spends her time playing virtual games online. I try to talk to her but I feel like I can't communicate and to be honest I don't know what to say. Used to be that talking to people came easily to me but now I don't even know how to start a conversation. I feel so hopeless, alone and sad all the time. My anxiety attacks are in overdrive to the point where I can barely take my son to school or go shopping. Just this fear of being around other people. I'm so confused and I don't understand. How do I help myself get better and help the people around me deal with whats going on with me? I don't want to lose the people I love! Thank you for letting me vent.

[BARRY7]

If its any consolation going through same thing .wishing you well

[Emotional_77]

im sure if the people around love you they will be understanding and supportive of you.

[paular]

You are not alone. So many people (me included) are going through the same as you, or have been through it. If you can face taking your son to school, someone else must do it for you. You're not well. Depression is an illness, as much as angina, rheumatism.

People who aren't in the same situation as you find it hard to understand, they haven't been there themselves. I have, I am right now. I'm off sick long term and my finance is struggling with my illness. I'm not easy to live with. But I know that's not my fault, it's the illness. And the same with you. People don't understand, but others do, and this site will help you.

It's natural to withdraw from others when you're depressed, and to find "normal" things difficult or even impossible to do.I had a breakdown 2 years ago and couldn;t even open my back door to put my rubbish in the bin, incase a neighbour was about.

Don't try to do something if you're not upto it.

You're not alone, ever. I'm not the only one on this site that can give you support I'm sure, but if you want my support, you've got it. I'm right where you are and know how you feel.

Take care,

Paula x