Feeling extreme alone

[Pretty quiet Sabine]

Hello! I think I am feeling quite depressed at the moment. I asked AI for help and came across this forum. I am not sure what I want to get out. Maybe just try to make myself heard?!
I have struggled with depressive episodes all my life and with a mum who completely dismissed the existence of depression. My whole family (sister, brothers, niece) are all functioning well and don’t want to hear that I am feeling low. If I try to mention something I only get answers like „come on, it’s not that bad. Cheer up!“ Or if I try to explain that past events still make me struggle my sister says that it was 30 years ago with rolling eyes.
I live in a different country now. Very far away from my family. My parents are dead. My sister and niece are the only ones I am close to but they don’t want to know about struggles. I have my own family here where Iive but my partner can’t handle me being down and his whole family (who lives far away too) has also no idea of depression. Everyone is alway functioning and in good spirits. It make me feel so alien!!!
The only one who is a bit like me (not depressed, but rather sensitive, caring and considerate) is my 16 year old son but I don’t want to burden him with my problems. I don’t have any friends. I don’t work. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have any contacts at all. And if I have the option to meet people I go very quiet and don’t say a thing which is not very helpful in making friends. Then I beat myself up for being like I am and get even more depressed. Sometimes I don’t want to be in this world anymore. But again, I will never do anything that would harm my son. He‘s my light! But of course being 16 he soon has to go his own ways. I feel so lost. I don’t even know if it makes sense what I have written. It just all poured out of me. Sorry for the self pity. I just don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading.

[Tom57]

Hi Sabine. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I completely understand. I'm feeling the same way also. So many of these feelings are going around it seems.

You have your son, so I think that's nice. So many others do not have that.

I am 68 years old and never been married with no kids. I live by myself. My brother and sister are far away and I hardly talk to them. I have struggles with depression and anxiety. I have only one friend and he's 90 years old. He has health issues but he remains optimistic about life and stuff which amazes me. But he's not understanding about my depression. In fact, he doesn't want to hear about it.

I don't know what to tell you what you should do. People give me advice a lot to me; and I had already tried the things they've told me to do, and it all didn't workout well for me. It will be nice to at least have a good friend to see, but making friends has always been hard for me. I wish the best to come your way and for others and myself.