Been Depressed For Years

[sara-sweet]

It's come to my attention that I really need to start talking about my depression. Mostly because I've become increasingly suicidal throughout the years. I think my depression started about 8 years ago when I was in sixth grade. My brother had just committed suicide, my friends were shunning me because of rumors, and my grades were dropping steadily. And because of this, my relationship with my dad began failing and I steadily lost my bond with my mom.

To be frank, my life is pretty terrible. I have what I need, but at 19, I'm struggling with bills and also with school. I live in my own apartment and recently only get up to 18 to 26 hours with minimum wage. I feel like a majority of my time of my life, I've spent alone. Away in my room while my mom shut herself away in her own. And away in my room, when I went with my dad because he intimidated me and made me feel inadequate (verbally abusive).

The brother that died was the sibling I was the closest to. My other brothers are all older and have families so they don't have much time for me. And now, all of my past is finally weighing down on me emotionally.

I don't want to go all out on just an introductory post, but to put it simply, I'm still alone and afraid to let anyone know how suicidal I've become. I've had it hard. Real hard. But I know I need help and support, so here I am.

Good day to you all.

[CaramelDelight]

Hi sara-sweet, thank you for sharing, I'm sure you've heard a problem shared is a problem halved. You are not alone, well done for reaching out online. I spend a lot of time alone, I don't speak to most of my family and for the last 6 years I've lived in a different city. Good for you holding down a job and getting your own apartment.
I'm not sure what else to say but it's a start