Newbie from Alaska

[Alaska1958]

Hi there, I wonder if anyone here has experience with really long term depression. I started calling a local crisis line 40 years ago when I was a teenager. First walked into a mental health clinic when I was 19, took my first antidepressant when I was 25 and have been on at least a dozen since then. I've never attempted suicide, but have a lot of Suicidal ideation. Most of my life I've been able to get and keep a job, but when I was fired from the job I'd had for 16 years (March 2012) I went into a deep depression and haven't been able to get back on my feet. It's not just depression, my wife of 18 years through me out last august telling me that she had only stayed with me for the health insurance that came with my job. I've never hated someone so much in my life. Between the anger and the depression I had a very tough winter. I spent days at a time not getting out of bed except to eat and use the bathroom. 10 or 20 years ago I would have gotten another job, but these days I just don't seem to care about anything.

[wally_286]

Alaska1958,
Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time and for so long. I myself joined these forums just a few days ago because of my own struggle with depression. I'm glad you've joined as well. I've found the people on here to be very understanding and supportive of eachother. Sounds like you've battled this for several years, did any previous meds or treatments benefit you?

[4EverMe]

Hi Alaska,
I've read your post. I'm sorry your depression has lasted so long. Mine has lasted since early teens. Are you on an any current meds? I realize that Wally already asked! But I hope you're not not just sitting there not caring about even that. Please don't give up Alaska.

It seems to me that the divorce is what's debilitating you the most. You probably feel like your world has fallen apart before your very eyes. And I totally get that. I'm not gonna tell you that it's no big dea, because I know it is. I'VE BEEN THERE. All of the mixed emotions and pain. Divorce happens much too frequently now, and it hurts all involved. I know this. But if you don't help youreslf for you, do it for your kids. I'M SURE they love you. It's good you're posting here.