I just want someone to talk too...

[Marc282]

Hi

I'm sort of new to the whole internet forum thing but I'm not new to the topic of depression. I have suffered a multitude of mental illnesses since my early teens.

I hear a lot of teenagers experience this but they go after a time, they are the lucky ones then because my problems have only mounted since I hit 14 years old.

I want to join this forum because I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to anymore. My illness is corroding my relationships with everyone I know so I don't want to talk to them anymore because I don't want to hurt them anymore than I already have.

Please, I just need to feel I can be open about my worst problems with a fellow human being.

This is a cry for help.

[Matthew109]

I know what you mean by a lot of teenagers having the passing depression phase. I understand the kind you are dealing with is the chronic more serious kind. Clinical major depression runs in both sides of my family so I had it at an early age as well, however it wasn't severe until a series of events happened, and are still happening, for over 4 years now. I was 15/16 when it started and now I'm 19. It's very dark, gritty, hopeless and frustrating. I get it through and through. You don't think It could get worse but it proves you wrong somehow. Feel free to pm me or chat me up on aim. I also started a blog, maybe you could do the same? I think it helps a bit.

[Marc282]

Thanks for replying to my post, depression leaves me feeling so isolated from life, from emotions that aren't negative and from feelings that aren't self oriented so its good connecting like this. I totally get it when you say depression can always get worse, I know this all to well because it always feels like every low it is an escalation on the last one. I am definitely going to read you blog and I thin k I'm going to start my own as well.

It feels like such a relief being able to get that off my chest and down in words. I think I'm also going to write a piece on how it all started in the 'your story' section of this forum.

P.S. Depression, Reclusiveness and Social Anxiety are pretty common throughout my family.

[Matthew109]

You are welcome and yes, I haven't thought about posting my story because it would take up so much room, but it's a good idea. I will definately read yours when you post it.

I read social anxiety and reclusiveness run in your family. I just seem to have a melting pot of depression, anxiety, you name it. However things like that don't run in my family, nor have they experienced it first hand. One of my family members has dealt with major depression, but aside from that no one else understands what I am going through, so it can be very tough feeling isolated while at the same time hurting your relationships with family and friends because they have no idea what it's like.

One time someone told me to just "snap out of it" and I just wanted to go on a rampage, but I went to my reasoning and understood why something like that would be said.

Once the people closest to you, like your family, start to notice your depression and change in lifestyle, it can become very difficult.

I hid it relatively well at school by being upbeat and crazy, but when I got home that completely disappeared. I was living a dual life, having different personalities for different settings, whether it was school, out in public, with family, or with friends.

Whenever I was at home, which is most of the time now, I suffer from insomnia and crash during the day. Starting a blog and doing this while connecting to people are helping me.

I dont want to make this too long but it is not hard for me to keep going about this stuff.

There are so many things, and I want to help people by providing my perspective and insight, so thank you for accepting my replies.

If you want talk or anything let me know

All the best,

Matthew

[white.petal]

Dear friend..

Deppression got its reasons.. and reasons why we feel bad and so.. I have been into many deprpessions believe me I even tried to kill myself many times at past.. and I am very sad those days too.. but I know exactly what miss in my life that I can be happy and this is very important.. cause its only when we know the problem that we can try to solve it and fix it.. and I can say that even if I'm a melancholic person, I can also be very positive and I can believe that always things can go better if i want it to.. I wish you can do same... maybe you only need people who can understand you and people who went as same as you.. but if you need any help or to talk to someone.. I can promis you find me here.. I gladly love to listen to others griefs..


friendly..

A.

[4EverMe]

Hello, Im sorry for what youre going thru and when i read your post it reminded me of exactly what im dealing with. I feel your pain! Im probably a bit more angry. i dont know--LOL I just know that im extremely depressed, dealing with a lot of situations at once, and have had one hell of a time trying to use this site via cellphone. NOT this sites fault...More like my lack of experience. This is my first time posting online and it started with me looking up ways...To make a long story short, I really felt your post because im feeling alone and miserable too. I really hope things pick up for you. Failed relationships dont help. They only make the depression worse bcuz this is a time when you need people the most. My best wishes to you. If you need to talk im here.