eating disorders and depression
Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:15 pm
I've been anorexic/bulimic since age 14 (48 years!)--it started before that, I was 12, in 7th grade, horribly bullied, and an "ugly duckling," and I wanted to die, but got told only to "snap out of it"--2 years later I started dieting, and never looked back--food distracts me from how hopeless I fee, and it's a vicious cycle--I was told in my 30s that the disorders were so entrenched that even specialists doubted what could be done..I just lost my cat--bled to death suddenly at vet's without me, and the guilt and sadness over HOW she died,m alone and in pain, is almost unbearable--living next to an abusive harassing neighbor, mgmt. is aware but does not involve itself, and I have no money or energy to move--it's difficult and several yrs' wait between sr. HUD bldgs, to get into one--don't see any improvement possible, and don't want to go on
Re: eating disorders and depression
Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:51 am
Hello. I have been suffering from Anorexia and Bulimia since I was 12 (I'm 17 now)
What we go through here is absolutely the worst form of self-destruction. It started at 12 for me, because my best friend kept making comments on my appearance, as well as my friends and family. My father is pretty much a fatphobic and when I ate something (When I was 8 I loved eating the butter from a popcorn bag after I finished eating popcorn) He yelled at me and told me "Only fat people do that" Or "People become fat when they do what you are doing every day" Years later I was bullied for my appearance. I am non-binary but at the time I hated they way my femm body looked. I too was the ugly duckling
I hated myself and my body, so I began to destroy myself. It started out with skipping school meals. I began to develop a fear of eating and gaining weight and to this very day, I cannot pinpoint the exact cause that triggered all of this to happen for the next 6 years. Eventually, this leads to me not eating all day, and eventually for a week. And then, since I was so weak from not eating I began to throw up meals after I eat them so my mom would not notice that I have these problems. If I ate something high in calories, I would have a panic attack and run to the bathroom to "get rid of the food". I suffered for so many years untreated. Until around this year, I found out about veganism. (No, Veganism is not a calorie-restricted diet, it's a plant-based diet that removed meat, seafood, and dairy products. It rids you from cancers, diabetes, bone diseases, and it also helps the planet not get destroyed because I'm not supporting the meat and dairy industries) Ever since I studied and tried this out for once in my freaking life I was able to enjoy eating again. I could eat knowing that it won't harm my body like eating a corpse and other things can do. It was so good to eat vegan food. I am still recovering from my eating disorders, but I know that you can pull out of it too! I have suffered from depression for many years as well and I can understand how hard it is. One step to recovery is to switch to a healthier diet that will nourish you. I learned that eating actually can be a good thing. Honestly, I still have my moments where I don't eat all day, I only threw up once this month out of major stress but that's about it. I also still have my moments where I despise my physical appearance. I suggest you do some research on how this can harm you and your body. There are many books, counseling, counseling groups that can help. Things can change if you first acknowledge the problems and face them head-on. Then to learn to love yourself somehow (I'm still trying to learn how to do this) sadly I cannot give you much good advise, but just know that you are not alone. Fill free to message me if you want. We all need someone to talk to... I wish you the best of luck.