For example: agoraphobia, claustrophobia, social phobia.

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Postby MilkDud » Tue May 24, 2011 10:32 pm

Im afriad of humans. Like, I can talk to them, associate with them, but say Im walking down a street, or paying for something at a store. I freeze up. I twitch. I sweat. I think they're judging me, secretly laughing at me in their mind. Everything in my brain kinda races, and I cant focus..
Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom, when Im home alone. Even a slightly weird sound can send me into a paranoid frenzy, thinking someone's in the house, someone's gonna kill me...
And even though I hate myself for it, I try to convince myself theres no one there, theres no one ever there, I still sit in there behind locked doors for hours.
I have a panic attack whenever im in complete blackness.
I cant go anywhere on an airplane.

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Postby shatteredhopes » Wed May 25, 2011 9:47 pm

I am 48 years old and sleep with the light on. I used to be confident and now I am plagued with self doubt and am no longer comfortable around even people I know sometimes. I live alone and noises freak me out to. I hardly leave the house anymore. Just want you to know, you are not alone in such fears. I could identify with what you wrote.

Big big hugs. Wishing you a little light and peace in your day.
"Sorrow floats" John Irving

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Postby hollyann » Wed May 25, 2011 10:35 pm

MilkDud, you won't find judging here. Most of us know what its like to be judged and wouldn't pass it on to someone else. Have you recieved help? Are you on medication? I only go out when I have to, if it wasn't for my son I don't think I'd go out at all. But each time I go out of my comfort zone it's victory. It may be small for some, but huge for others. Maybe if you have a cordless phone, take it with you, so that you know helps always a moment a way. Or keep a light on. I've slept with lights on, chairs under doorknobs thigs like that. You aren't alone. Don't be hard on yourself please. You really aren't alone in this fear. Please feel free to talk here, or in the room. When ever you feel comfortable.

((((((Hopes)))) ((((((MilkDud)))))) safe hugs.


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Postby crystalgaze » Thu May 26, 2011 3:31 am

I have a similar situation. I have been particularly wary of people lately.... Then again, I don't think anyone could blame me. Weird things have been happening.

For example, one of my past boyfriends used to stalk where I lived--looking to see if I am home or if the car is in the driveway. He didn't want to give me up when I wanted to leave & did so. I was seriously stressed out up until a few months ago; we are on better terms & he has cooled out for now. Finally, he accepted that I had left.

Someone I encountered recently watches my every move so long as I am home & he is across the street working on the neighbor's house. Those are the people I can see.....

People are just watching my every move & I know it. They are waiting to ensnare me & no, it's not paranoia. My parents have a friend they don't talk to anymore because the man tried to bother me. From the occasional conversations, he has with my parents, it can be safely deduced that he passes by the house regularly to try to see what we are doing.

There are other things.....

My point is I understand you perfectly.

Do what makes you comfortable & what works. Just try not to make it a problem so long as it does not cause harm.

If you lock yourself in the bathroom, do you take a book, newspaper, something to do? You might be able to teach yourself lots of skills that way.

I leave the light on as well sometimes.... One of my aromatherapy lamps given to me as a gift heats the scented wax by using a light bulb (Scentsy). Some sort of light helps if I get up in the middle of the night or whatever. At times, I am just too disoriented. I'd rather leave the light on instead of ending up having an accident because I tripped over something I could not see.

Don't make certain things a problem. Make it a preference. "I don't feel like being in the dark..... I don't feel like being in the rest of the house. I don't feel like going outside...."

That may help to take the edge off of the situation. Then at some point you push your comfort zone gently & do something you don't usually feel like doing. [/i]

I'm not exactly digging myself out of the hole but creating a tunnel to get out another way. Throwing dirt from one end of the pit to the other isn't going to get me anywhere. Instead, I'll create my own path.

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Postby TackingIntoTheWind » Thu May 26, 2011 12:09 pm

I'm certainly not judging you, (((( MilkDud )))). After my own experience of fear/depression, I'm certainly NOT about to be judging anyone else!!!! Although, I think I might be in a something of a " minority group " as far as my own fears are concerned. Probably the lowest point of my own depression was ( Sorry, technical hitch with this PC, be right back...
Captain Adelaide Brooke, holding a weapon on The Doctor: " State your name, rank and intention. "
The Doctor: " The Doctor, doctor, fun. "
Doctor Who: The Waters Of Mars

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Postby TackingIntoTheWind » Thu May 26, 2011 1:24 pm

And, I'm back... :) )
Probably the lowest point of my depression was a weekend in June 2009. I was at home by myself, and the weekend effectively turned into one long, incredibly intense panic attack, to the point where I was literally pacing the floor, and couldn't even lie down or sit still for more than a few minutes by Saturday evening. Sunday was even worse. I had an overwhelming feeling of sheer, inexpressible dread and panic all day. The following morning I was lucky enough to be able to go and see my doctor. Fortunately, I was/am with a very good medical practice, and my doctor was able to get me the help I needed to start putting my life back together, and start managing my depression/anxiety better. As, I'm learning to do now.
So, ( While I'm not hugely comfortable being among crowds of people. ), as I'm thinking about it now, I'd say that in my case, it's not so much that I stay home rather than face " the outside world ", it's more the case that it's often at home that I can sometimes feel most isolated/depressed/anxious/" in my head ". And, if I go out and sit in a coffee shop and read, or visit a library, it often makes me feel more " at ease " and lifts my spirits.
Anyway, (((( MilkDud )))), you most certainly are NOT alone in how you feel. Perhaps, as (((( crystalgaze )))) suggested, you might start to gradually, gently push your comfort zone?. Afterall, however taken aback I may sometimes be by the terrible things that some people are capable of, I do believe that most people in the world are worth knowing. As a friend of mine at work says, there are angels in this world.
Please do take care of yourself!
Captain Adelaide Brooke, holding a weapon on The Doctor: " State your name, rank and intention. "

The Doctor: " The Doctor, doctor, fun. "

Doctor Who: The Waters Of Mars

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