Depression Understood Forums

Splinters in Her Crotch

A woman from downtown Toronto, who was a tree hugger, a card carrying Liberal , and a highly vocal anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Bancroft On .

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER in Bancroft to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Liberal, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the MOE, the MNR, and the Ontario Planning Board before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to McGuinty health care policies and cutbacks, they turned you down!"

Warmie

lol, how amusing!

I agree that is a good one Warmie. I hope this one makes it past the censors on this site.

A woman buys a full length mirror at an antique store. She doesn't like the felt backing on the mirror so she decided to remove it when she gets home. When she does this, she becomes aware that there is a note inside the felt backing. The note says as follows:

Congratulations you have bought a magic mirror. This mirror will give you one wish that will come true but do not ask for a second wish.

So the woman puts the mirror on the back of her bedroom door and strips down to her waist. She then says:

Mirror mirror on the door make my breasts size 44. Immediately her breasts explode into 44's. That night when her husband comes home he can't believe what has happened but the truth of it all is right in front of him to see. That night he just cannot get to sleep. About 3 in the morning he says to himself, the heaven with it all, I'm going to see if I can get lucky with this mirror. So he puts the mirror on the back of the bedroom door, takes off his pyjamas and says:

Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor. --- Both of his legs fell off. (How come the guys always lose in these dumb jokes.)

LOL, okay, will let this one slip by.

Warmie

lol ouch that has to hurt!

Warmsoul/Jeanie13 wrote:LOL, okay, will let this one slip by.

Thank you Warmie. I promise to censor my thoughts more thoroughly in the future. Also I will stop taking these testosterone injections. That last sentence is a lie. A white lie, but nevertheless a lie all the same.

A white lie is a lie that is harmless. Something that won't affect the outcome of something.

OR

White lies are minor lies which could be considered to be harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. White lies are also considered to be used for greater good. A common version of a white lie is to tell only part of the truth, therefore not be suspected of lying, yet also conceal something else, in order to avoid awkward questions.

Warmie