— Groucho Marx
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
— Groucho Marx
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx
"I want to die like my father, quietly, in his sleep—not screaming and terrified like his passengers."
— Bob Monkhouse
"I haven't slept for ten days. Because that would be too long."
— Mitch Hedberg
"You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later."
_ Mitch Hedberg
"When I was 10 I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage."
_ Emo Philips
"If I could say a few words, I would be a better public speaker."
— Homer Simpson
Warmie
