Depression Understood Forums

just taking a rest a while ,you know ive walked this road a long time ,
many ,things ive encounted ,some my own fault ,some not ,the things ive done wrong ,i can take the blame ,stand the pain ,and pay whatever the
force within life and us wants ,today was not good for my mental state
the verbal beating i took ,for politley pionting out a simple thing has
left me upset and very weak ,i was recovering from the bad depresive
episode ive just had and now this ,it appears ive travelled so far ,but now
when i look back ,im were i was 40 odd years ago ,bottom of the pecking
order ,im all in now ,frightened of what the world has become for me
my life has many complications ,and it is hard for me to get help or even
let someone ,who could help me know how i feel ,but i must put others first .For me time will never heal all the burnt out bridges full of nothing more than misery .(((you my freinds must all stay close together,let each other know
that you will always walk with each other in times of need ,be strong
and be safe ,let the warmth and love of this great forum comfort you .)))
bless you each and everyone for the wonderful way you greet me ,,,ken

aim, dandelion,a5,lisa,mich,shatteredhopes,hanging on,monty,blueisgreen,crystalgaze,crybaby,warmie girl.DeepEyes
all my dear freinds, ,,,,goodnight ,,,,,,,,ken

Dear Ken,
You are far from the bottom, here in this place.
You are a person of great kindness and wisdom.
To quote one of my favorite bands...
"You know our love will not fade away"

Feel all the appreciation and love for you.
Sweet dreams.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.

i remembered my grandad today ,he found it hard to forgive me after the
fire ,i had always been his favourite i think and when i went off the rails
i left him behind and didnt give him any thought ,after the fire i had to move away ,but i would see him now and then ,and i think in the end he did forgive me ,when fran and i got married we lived near a bowls green
,and my grandad was a good bowls player ,i happened to notice on the notice board that his village team would be playing in our little village
so on that day i went to watch .i sat at the side of the green and enjoyed watching my grandad play ,he came close to were i was but didnt recongnise me ,so i called over to him ,,he was really pleased to see me i could tell ,he played often here ,and it became a regular thing for us ,my
mum and dad would visit us not often ,but around every 10/12 weeks
this sunday i asked my mam how grandad was and when he would be playing again,bridget was 4 at the time and was in the room with us ,my mam promptly replyed YOUR GRANDADS DEAD HE WONT BE PLAYING BOWLS AGAIN HE DEID 8 WEEKS AGO ,DIDNT THINK YOU,D BE BOTHERED ABOUT THE FUNERAL ,you know i dont think it mattered what i had done ,i thought this was a terrible thing to do ,fran was really upset also and she told them if they couldent be civil then dont bother ,coming anymore 25 years on no visits ,many events happened in my life like this
and i always think i deserve them ,for my past ,i wish i knew if this was the case ,its easy for me not to believe in god ,but this make the answers
very hard for me to find ,my god is the visitor ,and it will tell me i should pay that is for sure ,but i believe in the force that is the power of life itself
but that does not speak to me in words ,ive tryed to believe in myself but it does not help ,,,,,,thanks for listening take care ,,,,,,ken

I'm sorry Ken. I'm sure your grandfather loved you and enjoyed the times he saw you when he was in your town. It is an awful, terrible thing that nobody in
your family informed you of his funeral, but that is their karma, not yours.
I understand when the bad memories come flooding back - it happens to me all the time - not sure why or what triggers it. But I think for you, as we get through the holiday madness, thoughts of your grandfather would surface
naturally because he is gone and this is the time of year when everyone is focusing on family so much. So maybe when you have a memory of your grandfather, he is reaching out to you and thinking of you, too. Maybe he is connecting with you today. Be aware of any signs that he can send you
and know he loves you. Try not to dwell on what your mother did (or didn't do),
and remember her actions speak volumes about who she is, not who you are.
Be well Ken.

hey blueisgreen .glad i heard from you ,its been a few days ,how are you doing my dear freind ,lots of us having a hard time just now ,and its hard
to know what to say ,ive been about ok you know ,woke up this morning feeling bad ,but the days been ok ,thanks for your kind words ,they always have meaning for me ,i hope you know that ,if today has been bad for you i hope it lifts soon and if its been ok ,i wish it stays that way
hope to see you soon dont be a stranger ,,,,,(((((sincerely ))))).....ken