SLOWLY BEING CRUSHED

[xn728]

i was taken last night ,i was listening to nirvana on my pod ,and nodded off ,when i awoke the dark visitor was at my side ,my ever silent sentinal for the past 43 years .i can normally feel a storm building ,but last night stelth was its new game .i looked into that empty featureless face ,but could only see echoes of the life i once had .i went freely and without struggle ,it was going to happen so why fight ,thrown into the arena but no walls or ceilings exsist in here, can feel the floor under foot but no visual aids if i were to stumble over the edge .would it mean death ,or would i fall forever ,endlessly hopeing for something to grasp hold of ,the hand reaching out i can never see ,or would i fall into the pit of banshees ,the same ones that visit me nightly as i close my eyes to sleep ,but now i would be trapped in there world were they could tear at my flesh and consume me as i scream so loud ,but this is loud and i can hear it ,unlike the screams i let out every day so loud ,but kept so silent my loved ones wont hear.but now the demons come there nightmare chatter becomes louder as they approach but i cant see them ,smell them i do ,feel there stinking breath on me there on me now ,beating ,showing me horrific things past and present in my life .on my knees i cant take anymore they trample me now im becoming dust ,wait the floor .i feel the floor more dust
i see it now the dust of a million broken souls taken by the dark one within us ,smashed and torn apart over the years then brought here to be crushed as i lay now soon to blow away ,and why cant i see the demons ,they ocuppy my brain ,and when their task is done ,i may rise to a differant place ,and my face may be seen in the clouds ,my voice heard on the wind ,the sun will be the warmth of my kindness,and the cresent moon on a cold dark night will be my smile .sorry it seems like im invincible with my wise words but dont forget ive walked this road along time and sometimes i just want to lay down and let it all wash over me .you truly know im bad now ,because normally i would hide my pain and keep posting for those of you are in pain but today maybe you should see the broken man who sat in the rain in his garden today ,and looked at his thin witherd hands and bowed his head and wept because he felt so hopeless and poorly ,my tresured tattoos wrinkled because im losing so much weight i would be so easy to crush in my present state the fight has been drained from me ,so there im hurting to how the mighty have fallen
my freinds nothing brings me comfort ,goodnight all of you ,goodnight onika ,warmie girl ,,,,,,,,,ken,,,,,, xn728

[shatteredhopes]

....depression and PTSD eloquently with your words. You have a gift that can show others who don't know our dark world what it is like inside the pain of darkness and old demons.

HANG ON. Pet your ferrets. Scream into your pillow. Cry it through (afterwards, I feel a tiny sense of relief).

Take care. We are here for you.

[Mich]

Your writing is exquisite. You don't have to be strong for us all the time. It is okay to let your own pain out. I know how much you suffer and how painful it can get. Please hang on and know that we are here listening and trying to provide any comfort that we can. Please try to eat something. Starvation only makes depression worse and I am worried about your weight loss. May you find some peace tonight. Mich.

[lisalou]

ken, my heart aches for you that you are feeling so bad lately but i think it is also good for you to be able to express your pain and not feel you always have to be the brave warrior all the time. i hope you can get some comfort from your beloved family and ferrets. and remember we all love you here very much too