i cant find what im looking for

[xn728]

hi guys ,you know the worst thing about my depprestion is that ,i cant think of one reason why i feel the way
i do ,not one .Its just that feeling of emptiness,nothing to bother getting out of bed for .
i have a nice ,home ,not bad car ,beutiful wife and daughters ,ok my wife has chronic lung desiese and im quite
often up at all hours of the night ,but this isnt it ,thats life .so name one thing that makes you deppresed
i cant ,how can you fix something when you cant find out whats wrong ,ive felt down for the last two days .but
i feel better now ,whats the trigger ,weres the switch .ive read a lot of books on depprestion and not one of them
did i bother to finish ,there was a lot of god in them and im sorry but i dont believe .and if i did believe i
think there are lots of other things he needs to sort out first .anyway im reading a book now and its looking
pretty good the way it explains things is very acurate ,im gonna try and stick with this and i.ll keep you all
posted .i think i felt better today because my therapist made an admisstion to me,something i have been telling
them all along myself ,but they would never admit i was right ,i wont divuldge it yet ,its not a good time just
now .so the statement made many years ago by my phychartrist was i will make you we,ll again ,it has been changed
to we,ll have to make sure we can keep you functioning in a resonable manner,(Oh my god im a cyborg !)so maybe now
they,ll put more effort into me (getting by)and forget trying to cure me .i left the office feeling better in
the knowledge that i had been right,as i left the room i was sorely tempted to glance back at them and announce
,,,,,,ILL BE BACK ,,,,,,,,XN728 i really look like this

[lisalou]

never feel you have to justify your depression,i've driven myself mad (well,even more so) telling myself i have no right to feel so bad as i'm not going through some of the awful things other people have and i've had a relatively privileged life. somtimes the big grey nothing just strikes us for all kinds of complex reasons or cos our brains are a bit miswired or something. who can say?

[crystalgaze]

Sometimes, I can't think of a reason, but there is usually a cause/trigger I can put my finger on later on down the road.

If you don't see what it is now, it might reveal itself to you later or you might never know.

If I can't think of a reason, then I just leave it alone. (Oh well....) Sometimes it goes away; other times it comes back later.

Why I feel depressed sometimes is random. At times, it's usually 'cause I'm mad at myself for not doing something or not being better or simply because I'm living & I don't want to face the world or I'm hurting & I'm unable to solve my problem or I don't feel well (physically) or sometimes I feel discouraged & that there's no hope or it's that I don't want to do something..... I almost never know what's going to happen next....

After a point, to preserve yourself (& that's always important), you just stop & like Lisa says don't justify it.....