Need some answers

[concernedgirlfriend]

This is my first attempt at this forum stuff. I am writing because my boyfriend...kinda...is depressed (I think). I know I want to help but not sure how I can and not sure what I should do. Let me explain a little...

My boyfriend (who I will call 55), left his wife last January. There has not been any official paper work filed, though. That opens the door to a lot of the problems. He has had a ROUGH life. He has lived a lot and been in a lot of trouble but he and his wife decided TOGETHER to split up because they were not happy. He is working hard to turn his life around. But, with no license due to DUI and a 2 year old little girl that he would die for, he has had a hard time. He doesn't want to push the "wife" too far and piss her off because he is afraid she will take him to court and steal his daughter from him. So, he holds A LOT of emotion in when it comes to her. He doesn't fuss if she has to pick the little girl up because he doesn't feel like he has a right to argue when the "wife" is already having to do the driving. She doesn't call him or try very hard to keep him involved in the little girls life. Every once in awhile, she will call and let the little girl talk, but we can all imagine what a 2 year old on the phone sounds like. On top of all this, he doesn't work a steady job. He does construction and buys and sells land but buisness is touch and go. Currently he is doing some work with his stepdad. So, all of this, I think has driven him to depression.

The GOOD thing he has going for him is/was me. We hit it off wonderful when we met. We both have never felt like we do for eachother. He was happy when we were together. He opens up to me like he never has before, etc etc. Well, about 4 months ago the wife begged and begged for him to come back. She has this pull on him that she can cry, beg, and use thier child as bait to get him back. Since the first time, he has now fallen for it and gone back to her 5 times. When he does, he sleeps on the recliner and there is NO physical or romantic contact between them. It is JUST for the little girl. He stays for a few nights and they quickly remember why they split up. This last time she actually went and talked to a lawyer after he left. But, as soon as she caught word of me going to a ballgame with him, she started blaming him again. She told him it was ALL his fault his daughter doesn't know him, he ruined their marriage, he ruined their family, etc. He called me and told me this conversation and how he just wanted to crawl in a corner and cry is heart out. But, he never lets go to do so. The next day, he told me that he still had something to resolve there and had to call it off with me. He doesn't want me to hate him and hopes I understand.

I do understand...I think he is extremely hurt, he is lost, and confused. Yes, I am mad and hurt myself that he left me but my concern for him outweighs that. This "wife" has manipulated his mind for her own gain. She knows we have dated and hates me (understandably so I guess). His mom and I are VERY close. She agrees that he is miserable there and that it will never work between them. We talk often and I hope tonight to have some ideas to tell her how we can help him. I don't want to smother him but I want him better. Whether I end up with him or not I want him healthy and happy! So my questions...

Where to start?
Should I tell him I think he should get help?
Does anyone think there is ANY way him going back to that house can help him?
I thought about making an appointment, and just picking him up one day to make him see a doctor...bad idea??
What are the signs that I should let go?
What are the signs that I should pull him closer?

I know I see desparate to follow him but I do feel deep in my heart that we were meant for eachother. He has said the same. I truely feel like he just can't make these changes in his life and decisions because he is depressed?

PLEASE ANY HELP IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!!

[xn728]

hi im 51 years old and male ,i have done terrible things in my life ,and suffer greatly for ,it ,your commpassion is so great ,that you would make him well ,then hand him back to his ,wife .then he has a lot of what he needs already .i think he would benifit greatly by talking to a health proffetional ,he musn,t be frightened to cry ,it is a great reliease,i really cant say much more im only a sufferer ,same as he .you cant make him do anything ,but you can steer him in the right direction
i really send my best wishes and well done for finding us here ,there are no judges here just freinds xn728