How can I cope?

[ImHidingtheRealMe]

Hi, i’m new here. I just wanted to write something here and see if others could care or give advice. I live with depression in a sort of secrecy way. I basically don’t tell anyone, never had good experiences doing so. All of the people that i’ve told literally didn’t care in their own ways at the point of me telling them.

A few years ago after I turned 19, i’ve been aching for death and asking God for it. But never had enough will to do it myself. I’ve been living like this almost all my life but finally started accepting it at 19.

My life right now involves me taking care of my mom who suffers from dementia, with help from her sister. Her sister is very controlling at times and it’s the main one who caused me to be the way I am when I was a kid. I tried telling her that two years ago but she felt that I wrongfully blaming her for something she didn’t do. Ultimately, she also didn’t believe that I was truly depressed, or she at least forgot about it. Right now, I live a life where I can’t get away from the things that triggers my depression even though I try to ignore it.

I wish at times that I had the strength to really unalive myself, even if that’s not what I truly desire.

If anyone can answer, how do you cope having to live like this without being able to speak with others around you about it, and with constant thoughts of ending it all?

[gvkanchan]

Hi,
I'm sorry you feel this way at the tender age of 19. I know you think you can't speak to anyone about it, but maybe look at possibly talking to a counselor and see where that takes you.

[PhyllisLynch]

It is important to know that you are not alone and that there are people who care and want to help. Finding someone you can trust to talk to, even if it is a professional, can make a big difference. Please take care of yourself and look for your support when you can.

block blast