Sometimes i feel like I never had a chance, I first felt suicidal around 10

[fantasmagirl]

I never felt normal. I fear I will never know what it's like to be normal. I feel like I don't exist. I would stand in the school yard and just look at all the normal kids. I thought I had a change, i really did. Even when I went through bullying, I thought eventually I'd be happy. Happiness is too far away, i don't have a way of getting to it. I feel like a failure because I am. I feel like I shouldn't exist, and I feel like a mistake. I'm not wrong. But I don't want to be this way...
I have nothing to show for my life, nothing. I haven't accomplished anything. I don't have a single trophy. I know my mom doesn't like me much. I don't like me either.