Fear Of The Future

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Dan4101
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon May 29, 2023 12:02 am

Fear Of The Future

Postby Dan4101 » Mon May 29, 2023 12:32 am

I have lived with my parents my entire life. I'm 44 years old. It's just me and my mom. My dad passed away several years back due to old age (heart failure). My mother is about to be 77. I don't have any friends or family apart from her. If (when) she dies I won't even have an emergency contact number. I will be completely alone in the world. There won't be anyone left.
I had a serious drug addiction fifteen years ago (heroin). I have been clean for fifteen years. The only way I could manage to quit after several failed attempts, was to cut ties with everyone in my life. To stop talking to anyone that had anything to do with the problem. Which, at that point, was everyone I knew apart from my parents. The idea was to lay low. That laying low has now turned into fifteen years. I'm now a recluse with no friends. I just have my mom. The drug problem has hurt my life in ways nobody considered. Indirectly, fifteen years later. I seem to have have lost or misplaced something. I'm having trouble meeting people.
I tried finding a girlfriend. I went on Tinder and Match. They're both a total rip-off. A lot of the profiles are fake.
I asked a girl out at work but she wasn't interested or whatever. She never texted me back. This upset me more than I thought it would.
I quit my job soon after. Not over her, but because I stopped caring. I had been doing well there for a year and a half. I just didn't want to go anymore. I didn't manage to make any real friends along the way like I was hoping. My mom's SS checks are taking care of us.
I could end up homeless in the future if I don't start doing something. I just have trouble motivating myself to even get out of bed now.
I spend all my time in my room on my tablet. I never leave unless I have to go to the grocery store. I sometimes sleep eighty hours a week.
I feel like I'm running in place. Overall, I keep trying to do something about my situation and get nowhere. I need to establish a connection with other people. I don't know what else I can do.
I have lost all motivation and I am having trouble staying interested in an activity long enough to stay awake. I could use some advice or suggestions.

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