more to add from the past...(past as in posts long time ago)
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georgiapeach
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more to add from the past...(past as in posts long time ago)
as life keeps going on i keep falling for things i can never have. i keep thinking why me, why... i lost the love of my life back in december, just up and left me while i was on vacation. i mean, i hate this. why is it everything i love so much has to always leave me? am i that horrible of a person. everyday for the past few months i just think why cant i end my life? it would make the hurt go away, make my pain go away. i cant deal with this anymore. honestly i just recently learned waiting for the one thing that you've wanted for a long time isnt all cracked up as it should be, i dont mean to be harsh about it, but i just cant get a grasp on what happened exactly. so im deciding to just say screw it with life. i didnt mean to be so harsh to her when we were talking about it tonight, its just my defense after getting hurt is to be harsh about everything. its one of the traits about me that i personally hate. i can never get the words to come outta my mouth when it comes to expressing feelings, and i guess maybe thats why i fail at everything. she's my one friend i have the one and only and she's probably not going to be anymore, idk... i cant just keep my mouth shut, i always have to put my 2 cents in which i hate! i wish i could take the past hour back and not have said any of the things i did. but i guess when you love someone so much you'd do stupid shit and not even realize it till its to late, i guess its time to move on, get out in the public and make friends. yea right who am i kidding. i cant even talk to the cashiers in the stores cuz im to nervous. i just feel like a total failure. im probably rambling on about nothing and not making sense. i just needed to do this, im sorry.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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(((((((((((((((((((( Peachy ))))))))))))))))))))))
First off dear sweet friend, I love you in my own way, and I am not going anyplace, okay?
You now have a very precious gift, that you can have and hold, one that will be in your life forever. One that will need you, depend on you for life and love. Come July (and you can make it on the 13th as well ) you life will change so drastically, all for the better.
I know your heart has been broken and I cry for you and remember you in my prayers. Don't ever give up, for yourself for your baby. You have gone through so much in the last year, I have done my best to be that friend there for you. Hope you know that.
The pain will go from one pain to another, but you truly are strong and powerful in your own way. I believe that you will make a stand firm. When your heart is broken you hurt, cry, ask why, get angry, want to hide, disappear, feel anger. Oh the list of emotions go on and on. But now dear friend you have another to think of.
No matter what that little boy will need you, will give you the meaning of what love truly is and will love with an unconditional love. Yes, I realize the differences in the types of love, but it all comes down to love comes from within, no matter who it is.
Never give up, too many people care and need you, in this family, the one in the chat room and in your life. Honest, you are a special person, a special someone I am proud to know and call you 'my friend'. Now what would I do without you?
Love plays with your mind, heart and soul. The day will come when you find that someone that will love you for you, not for what you can and can't do or give. They will love you for the person you are inside, not for looks, age, money, nothing will matter but you.
Please believe me (((((((((((( Peachy )))))))))))))))))))
Jeanie
First off dear sweet friend, I love you in my own way, and I am not going anyplace, okay?
You now have a very precious gift, that you can have and hold, one that will be in your life forever. One that will need you, depend on you for life and love. Come July (and you can make it on the 13th as well ) you life will change so drastically, all for the better.
I know your heart has been broken and I cry for you and remember you in my prayers. Don't ever give up, for yourself for your baby. You have gone through so much in the last year, I have done my best to be that friend there for you. Hope you know that.
The pain will go from one pain to another, but you truly are strong and powerful in your own way. I believe that you will make a stand firm. When your heart is broken you hurt, cry, ask why, get angry, want to hide, disappear, feel anger. Oh the list of emotions go on and on. But now dear friend you have another to think of.
No matter what that little boy will need you, will give you the meaning of what love truly is and will love with an unconditional love. Yes, I realize the differences in the types of love, but it all comes down to love comes from within, no matter who it is.
Never give up, too many people care and need you, in this family, the one in the chat room and in your life. Honest, you are a special person, a special someone I am proud to know and call you 'my friend'. Now what would I do without you?
Love plays with your mind, heart and soul. The day will come when you find that someone that will love you for you, not for what you can and can't do or give. They will love you for the person you are inside, not for looks, age, money, nothing will matter but you.
Please believe me (((((((((((( Peachy )))))))))))))))))))
Jeanie
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georgiapeach
- Posts: 1729
- Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:59 pm
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(((((((((((((((((((((((( jeanie ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
i have always believed you, and never have doubted your wisdom that you have, its so great and moving to me. i know your not going anywhere (atleast i hope not anytime soon), and i am honored to call you my friend also. i just guess i had a huge breakdown last night and was super emotional over something i shouldnt have been. im just getting confused and hurt by my own emotions and i hate it. Anson is the only thing that is keeping me from ending it all right now. i think if i ever lost him that i'd be devestated and it would all be over right then and there for me. thank you for being here for me jeanie, it really means a lot to me, you are one person i can really count on if i need anything... i am also honored to call you a good friend of mine. Also i love you in my own special way too...
((((((((((((((((( jeanie ))))))))))))))))))))
P.S. Im not sure what you'd do with out me, but im not sure either what i'd do without you at all either.....
i have always believed you, and never have doubted your wisdom that you have, its so great and moving to me. i know your not going anywhere (atleast i hope not anytime soon), and i am honored to call you my friend also. i just guess i had a huge breakdown last night and was super emotional over something i shouldnt have been. im just getting confused and hurt by my own emotions and i hate it. Anson is the only thing that is keeping me from ending it all right now. i think if i ever lost him that i'd be devestated and it would all be over right then and there for me. thank you for being here for me jeanie, it really means a lot to me, you are one person i can really count on if i need anything... i am also honored to call you a good friend of mine. Also i love you in my own special way too...
((((((((((((((((( jeanie ))))))))))))))))))))
P.S. Im not sure what you'd do with out me, but im not sure either what i'd do without you at all either.....
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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(((((((((((((((( Peachy )))))))))))))))))))))))
Let's make a deal and not find out what it would be like without our friendship. You have my email address, so see we won't be far apart.
You time is getting closer, the emotions are running a muck right now, body is getting confused.
Never worry about being upset. You know the chat room is there for you, don't be afraid to talk, please.
Nice to have you in my life and my friend.
Let's make a deal and not find out what it would be like without our friendship. You have my email address, so see we won't be far apart.
You time is getting closer, the emotions are running a muck right now, body is getting confused.
Never worry about being upset. You know the chat room is there for you, don't be afraid to talk, please.
Nice to have you in my life and my friend.
no peace in death as in life
hello georgiapeach its hard i know ,the pain of this thing we carry with us
it has so many tricks up its sleeve ,we are all confused ,you must not take ,your life at anytime , the problem is we share our lives and pain on here ,so we all have a share of your life ,im not willing to give my share up ,and i doubt if anyone else is either ,so the shareholders vote no to that motion .i have been there many times ,and im not frightened ,but i have my wife and family .my shareholders ,so we must stay and cry and suffer im afraid ,we are blessed with this gift we found here ,what brought us here ,do you remember ,terrrible things have happened to you ,that i can see ,but me i did a terrible thing ,so i deserve to pay ,ive given in but im not willing to die anymore ,i dont know what suicide is ,i dont think we would find peace there ,i fear it would be a far greater horror than the
life we live now ,so concentrate on living and not dying ,ive suffered for
more than 30 years ,I will give you a gift i will suffer a few days of your worst deppression so that you may rest , reach into the darkness and a million hands will reach out and touch you ,you may lose your balance
but we will never let you fall ,you,ll be fine our friend ,look behind you and see how far you have come ,reach deep within yourself ,you will find
the strength to carry on . i will go now ,this has been hard for me to write
i am feeling really low and i feel like hurting someone ,im angry ,i have never felt like this ,i dont mean hurt someone physcly ,emm i mean ,i feel
verballiy nasty ,its like self harm ,to destroy my friends here ,be strong i am. xn728 KEN
it has so many tricks up its sleeve ,we are all confused ,you must not take ,your life at anytime , the problem is we share our lives and pain on here ,so we all have a share of your life ,im not willing to give my share up ,and i doubt if anyone else is either ,so the shareholders vote no to that motion .i have been there many times ,and im not frightened ,but i have my wife and family .my shareholders ,so we must stay and cry and suffer im afraid ,we are blessed with this gift we found here ,what brought us here ,do you remember ,terrrible things have happened to you ,that i can see ,but me i did a terrible thing ,so i deserve to pay ,ive given in but im not willing to die anymore ,i dont know what suicide is ,i dont think we would find peace there ,i fear it would be a far greater horror than the
life we live now ,so concentrate on living and not dying ,ive suffered for
more than 30 years ,I will give you a gift i will suffer a few days of your worst deppression so that you may rest , reach into the darkness and a million hands will reach out and touch you ,you may lose your balance
but we will never let you fall ,you,ll be fine our friend ,look behind you and see how far you have come ,reach deep within yourself ,you will find
the strength to carry on . i will go now ,this has been hard for me to write
i am feeling really low and i feel like hurting someone ,im angry ,i have never felt like this ,i dont mean hurt someone physcly ,emm i mean ,i feel
verballiy nasty ,its like self harm ,to destroy my friends here ,be strong i am. xn728 KEN
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georgiapeach
- Posts: 1729
- Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:59 pm
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(((((((((((((((( jeanie ))))))))))))))))))))))))
that sounds like a deal... i'd never want to know what life would be like with out you. and thank you for all the kind words. there are times i do wanna talk in the chat but i have trouble doing it so i just start typing here and it all just spills out like a jug of water being knocked over.(if that makes sense)
(((((((((((((((((((( ken )))))))))))))))))))))))
im sorry to hear your going through a hard time. do you wanna talk about whats going on?
that sounds like a deal... i'd never want to know what life would be like with out you. and thank you for all the kind words. there are times i do wanna talk in the chat but i have trouble doing it so i just start typing here and it all just spills out like a jug of water being knocked over.(if that makes sense)
(((((((((((((((((((( ken )))))))))))))))))))))))
im sorry to hear your going through a hard time. do you wanna talk about whats going on?
glad to hear your voise
good to hear you ,things are always worse when you have nothing to do
but think of them ,ive done a lot of thinking in my life ,i made a fatal error
when i was 17 ,and it changed my destiny for ever ,i lost my friends ,my life and my parents ,it would affect the family i didnt have yet ,so hows all that at just seventeen then ,and now i burn everyday ,ive wanted to die lots of times ,but never did ,but i have learned to carry on even at its worst ,you just have to ,deppression doesnt deserve the victory of anyones death ,you will laugh and run ,and play with your child ,you will have christmass,s ,and birthdays to share ,and hopefully you will not have time to suffer anymore ,and in a few years you may look back at your younger self and smile ,and the person you once was will smile back
and walk into the past happy in the knowledge you made it through ,you punched a hole in the darkness and stepped into the life you deserve .we all have this power ,we just need to find it , and me ,well mine was self inflicted even though it was a mistake , but my young self RUSS is with me ,we share moments together he can never die ,as long as im alive
but he can never return either ,he,s safe within and i wont let the darkness harm him , so the fact that our words have made you feel better is enough for me ,ive talked a little here ,ill look at your postings to make sure your ok ,im feeling very deviliss just now ,but finding it amusing also ,, you are strong and we hold you tightly so you wont stumble ,,,,,,,,thanks for your reply xn728 ,,KEN
but think of them ,ive done a lot of thinking in my life ,i made a fatal error
when i was 17 ,and it changed my destiny for ever ,i lost my friends ,my life and my parents ,it would affect the family i didnt have yet ,so hows all that at just seventeen then ,and now i burn everyday ,ive wanted to die lots of times ,but never did ,but i have learned to carry on even at its worst ,you just have to ,deppression doesnt deserve the victory of anyones death ,you will laugh and run ,and play with your child ,you will have christmass,s ,and birthdays to share ,and hopefully you will not have time to suffer anymore ,and in a few years you may look back at your younger self and smile ,and the person you once was will smile back
and walk into the past happy in the knowledge you made it through ,you punched a hole in the darkness and stepped into the life you deserve .we all have this power ,we just need to find it , and me ,well mine was self inflicted even though it was a mistake , but my young self RUSS is with me ,we share moments together he can never die ,as long as im alive
but he can never return either ,he,s safe within and i wont let the darkness harm him , so the fact that our words have made you feel better is enough for me ,ive talked a little here ,ill look at your postings to make sure your ok ,im feeling very deviliss just now ,but finding it amusing also ,, you are strong and we hold you tightly so you wont stumble ,,,,,,,,thanks for your reply xn728 ,,KEN
i hope your in a good frame of mind today
hey there georgiapeach i hope you are ok today ,and are feeling a little stronger ,i have found if i try to do to much ,,i feel really let down if i havent reached my target ,take it slow and dont dissapiont yourself ,we will never let you go here ,never feel alone ,we will be sad ,and happy ,and lonley ,with you when you cry ,we will all hear you through the darkness and cry with you ,its strange all of you my friends ,and you are really my only friends ,the first i have had in 32 years ,i will never meet you ,we live 1000,s of miles apart but i feel your presence,all of you ,when i go to work your here ,when i sleep your here ,when i am tortured i can tell you all and you lift me up ,i cant visulise anyone no mental pictures , just figures in a dark cloudy place ,but its a good place not bad ,so you see as well as everyone else ,georgiapeach i need you so you need to be strong for me as well ,,im feeling better now no anger ,feeling good to be here were i belong ,be strong ,reach out my arms are all around ,,,,,,xn728 KEN
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georgiapeach
- Posts: 1729
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((((((((((((((((( xn )))))))))))))))))))))))
im starting to feel better about things... i havent been really trying to think about them because they bring to much pain that i can not deal with in the present time. i guess when i love someone i love them more than they will realize ever... how have you been lately? im sorry i havent responded back as i am bad with words at times... i understand the whole the ppl here are your only friends part. thats my case also. i have lost all my friends when i got with my ex 3 years ago and lots of my family. so i have been here for over a year chatting with the lovely people and seeking help and advise, plus trying to help others while i can. hope things are looking up for you ken!
im starting to feel better about things... i havent been really trying to think about them because they bring to much pain that i can not deal with in the present time. i guess when i love someone i love them more than they will realize ever... how have you been lately? im sorry i havent responded back as i am bad with words at times... i understand the whole the ppl here are your only friends part. thats my case also. i have lost all my friends when i got with my ex 3 years ago and lots of my family. so i have been here for over a year chatting with the lovely people and seeking help and advise, plus trying to help others while i can. hope things are looking up for you ken!
thanks for your reply
glad your feeling better ,im not to bad today ,not feeling angry now ,shame i was enjoying it really ,keep not thinking about things as you say ,i know what you mean ,you will be strong i know ,we have to be ,i feel like i cant carry on ,but i know i have to ,its been so hard for me sometimes i have laid on the cold wet grass and pushed my face into the ground to muffle the screams ,ive cryed in the rest room at work ,but were special because we go on , So go into the future because you do have one and it will be good ,you will make it so ,i dont know if you read my storys ,did you know i set fire to my parents house and nearly killed us all ,i was a crazy mixed up kid ,and its taken me all this time to relise
it was,nt my fault yes i did it but it was my mental state , but i lost my mam and dad ,not dead but i ran away from my friends and life and my childhood ,have my own family ,2 girls 21 and 29 years ,both clever good jobs ,my wife for thirty years fran ,has lung desiese ,, so its hard ,but WE
are not givin up any of us ,again so happy your feeling better ,,xn KEN
it was,nt my fault yes i did it but it was my mental state , but i lost my mam and dad ,not dead but i ran away from my friends and life and my childhood ,have my own family ,2 girls 21 and 29 years ,both clever good jobs ,my wife for thirty years fran ,has lung desiese ,, so its hard ,but WE
are not givin up any of us ,again so happy your feeling better ,,xn KEN
goodnight all my friends ,missed you tonight
its 10 pm here everyone im turning in ,hope you are all ok ,youknow who you are ,i may go flying tonight ,so listen for my thunder ,as i burn through the clouds in my wonderful fighter , im doing ok no more anger ,hope i catch you all tommorrow ,aurelia ive sent you some emails ,im afraiad of losing you ,stay focused ,i got your mail ok .i need to know if your getting mine ,,,,,,,KEN goodnight zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 
Hey Peachy... I'm sorry for the late response - been working like a nut lately... I'm sorry you are down, hun. But Jeanie is 100% right... that baby needs you and will love you and depend on you the moment he is born. Try to focus on that, if you can. You have a purpose, darlin. And your little guy is going to be a big part of that.
I'm sorry you're hurting... everyone is here for you. I hope you see that, ok? You're a great girl - don't change. You are worth receiving love and devotion from someone who is WORTH you; never forget that. Sometimes ex's play games with our minds... they make us think that there is something wrong with us, when the true problem is themselves. Don't give up. You're one in a million...
I'm sorry you're hurting... everyone is here for you. I hope you see that, ok? You're a great girl - don't change. You are worth receiving love and devotion from someone who is WORTH you; never forget that. Sometimes ex's play games with our minds... they make us think that there is something wrong with us, when the true problem is themselves. Don't give up. You're one in a million...
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georgiapeach
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