Oh my anxiety is because of, not hearing back from someone because then I worry that
1. I said something wrong that offended somebody or
2. dumb-dumb-dumb they disappeared from the planet.
Lol either way, it's good to hear from you.
And I completely understand the hectic lifestyle I too have one and, depression and anxiety... so there might be times where I too kind of disappear for a little bit but I'll be back (terminator voice)
Also, you can't offend me. In fact, if using a label gets a point across, in a better way, more efficient way... then do that.
You know cuz I could write down the whole definition of what an empath is or... I could just simply say empath. So much easier.
Also forgive me sometimes, because I have to read between the lines of things and let my mind sink things in, it may take me a little while to reply. It's important to let my mind answer you and not me lol someday I may explain that.
Also, if you need to disagree with me feel free to do so... this is a learning experience but if we're not upfront about it, then we're not going to learn anything.
You're very welcome and thank you as well!
So how are you cold? I think I already know your answer especially because your next comment was "people can't always tell you're joking."
Do you think you have a dry humor like... like you're using more fact than Fiction, even when joking?
Well that makes sense because you can't make love to a bush lol sorry that's a quote from a movie. But it's still kind of applies because seeing is believing and touching is confirming something is real.
But when you're more comfortable, I'd like for you to expand on that. Like give me the example of your last relationship, maybe your best relationship and maybe your worst relationship. Take your time on that.
So, your friend sounds like he is the type that has to have the last word pretty much all the time.
At some point he said you were difficult, realized he got a reaction out of you (so now his brain has learned) that's one of the ways he can always get the last word in... especially if you defied him in some way... like conveying to him that his choice in conversation is wrong.
I also could be wrong about this but I think you're the know it all, (meaning you pay attention to facts) but he is the one that acts like he is a know-it-all
( I might have some ways of dealing with him but only if you're interested, but it's a little bit of a discussion because it could change the elements of your friendship)
For some reason my brain is kind of locking up on your sister... like I can't put into words what I'm thinking. I think my brain is still doing some extra thinking that I'm not aware of.
So I think I'll have to come back to the subject of her except for this question.
What's her state of mind (in your opinion) when she says it was quiet when you weren't there?
Also I will say that I'm pretty sure she's going through something too... for now just be the big brother and be patient with her.
(((( I think I know what happened to him I think it was the over functionalizing to raise sister and parents... and now his brain is still operating in that same manner but it doesn't need to... but it doesn't know that))))
So as a child, before you had to do any 'adult work'(raising people) you were a jovial child happy go lucky, class clown in training? Then you had to raise people so you got more serious and quiet... now you're back to being jovial and happy go lucky (when you're at home)?
If that bit is true... is there a difference between your jovial, energy, when you were a child? Like would you say there's an overage to your jovial self, now? Like whether you realize it or not a part of you might be trying to hard to be jovial...or,...no overage, jovial comes natural.
You're not victimizing yourself. Your simply a product of your upbringing. Now it's time to figure out what's what.
You don't go out because you don't want to? Or because you already know you're not going to have a good time because you'll spend it having to pretend you're happy... that's why you don't want to go out...
Meaning; if you knew that you could go out tonight and you knew you were going to have a great time, like crystal ball, knew the future...would you?
So I'm gonna let you in a little secret...if I'm correct your brain is over functionalizing, which means like it's overthinking, it's over focusing even on things it's not supposed to even focus on.
Like imagine if you had to actually critique laughter like you actually had to focus on laughing... how wrong does that feel and sound to you? Laughter, which is supposed to be like la la la but, your brain is trying to put a value to it so that it can understand what it means like it understands 1+1=2... that's what your brain is trying to do.
Yes, you were imitating their behaviors... earlier I said it was because your brain might be trying to learn from them but, after this last message... the reason for the imitation is to act like you belong.
As long as nobody knows the truth then you'll always belong. The reason why the mask falls off later on is because... that's not how you really feel.
Actually one of the posts that I recently did, is all about people just like you. I don't know if you started out as an emotionalist or as a functionalist but you are definitely becoming a functionalist or, at least imbalanced that way and, that's not a good thing.
You have learned and trained your brain to do what makes them happy but that's not what makes you happy... so the mask falls... and then you're just left with truthful ol you.
Which depresses you because you're not a liar but you feel like you are... to them... to yourself.
Ugh, I hate those answers... I call them fortune cooking answers ...I'm not really sure why. To some degree they're good, they are important because they can be helpful..."hang in there, it'll get better" etc.
Some people they just need that little bit and that's enough but some people need answers...real answers and action... something they can see, something they can feel, something they can be a part of.
Sometimes people distance themselves simply because they don't know how to help, sometimes they distance themselves because they don't want to hear it anymore. Of course it hurts to know that because then you end up feeling like a burden but, truth hurts. Sadly sometimes you just have to face that... but that's okay we're working toward something different here.
Your friend is functionalizing, which is why she's contacting you when she needs you. It's basically just being selfish.
Now before you think oh my friends selfish now... lol we all are, to some degree. It's the functional part of our brain that does it. It allows us to be selfish to think of number one.
Here's the thing, there's nothing wrong with that. Just keep helping out your friend whenever she gives you a call... be there the same way she used to be there for you. Who knows maybe this theory, will be the real ticket, that you could help her.
Oh wait so I kept reading on... now I'm getting a sister vibe. You know like you and your sister experience something that together as well as you and your friend experience something bad together... I think I'll come back to that one as well.
Hey I've got a kid in college...I get it... Take your time.
Besides I want to stew on this sister and friend thing a little longer.
It sounds like you got a little bit of history with that friend of yours like private history, which is totally cool in fact I prefer not to have to ask... because you're entitled to your privacy. We'll see if we can get this figured out without going there.
So here's the repeat of all the important questions.
1.how are you cold?
2.Do you think you have a dry humor like... like you're using more fact than Fiction, even when joking?
... after you stopped being the 'parent' did you go back to you?
3.expand on relationships. Like give me the example of your last relationship, maybe your best relationship and maybe your worst relationship. You don't have to write a book about it, just some pointers
4.What's her (sister)state of mind (in your opinion) when she says it was quiet when you weren't there?
5. Is this statement true?
(So as a child, before you had to do any 'adult work'(raising people) you were a jovial child happy go lucky, class clown in training? Then you had to raise people so you got more serious and quiet... now you're back to being jovial and happy go lucky (when you're at home)?)
6.If that bit is true... is there a difference between your jovial, energy, when you were a child? Like would you say there's an overage to your jovial self, now? Like whether you realize it or not a part of you might be trying to hard to be jovial...or,...no overage, jovial comes natural.
7.You don't go out because you don't want to? Or because you already know you're not going to have a good time because you'll spend it having to pretend you're happy... that's why you don't want to go out...
Meaning; if you knew that you could go out tonight and you knew you were going to have a great time, like crystal ball, knew the future...would you?
Okay, I think that's it for now except for the sister friend thing like I said...I'll stew on that a bit.
In the meantime if you have extra time but, no pressure you might check out a couple of the posts (look up Tealeaves, they are under my name) that I wrote. Don't quote me but I think 'what if 4 and maybe 5'... and then also 'try me'. Don't feel like you have to... it's just some extra insight like the one that's about functionalist...I got a feeling you'll probably relate to it.
I think the first line is advocating for the functionalist... he wouldn't believe how much they are ridiculed and treated like they have no feelings... oh wait yeah I'll bet you would believe it.
Lol see what I did there haha
Anyway I wish you luck with your studies and look forward to conversing with you... whenever you get the chance.