What caused me depression

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Undesirable Outcast
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2022 9:24 pm

What caused me depression

Postby Undesirable Outcast » Wed Oct 19, 2022 10:28 pm

Hi Im a 29 year old man and got diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. I’m in therapy. I’ve seen two psyctriast and one of them said me being hard on myself is the cause of my depression and anxiety. So here’s is my story. I was in special Ed class from grades 4 to 8 because I had a low iq from 55 to 70 which put me in the mild intellectual disability range. I attended and graduated from normal high school and that’s when my anxiety started at around 14 because I was worried if I was able or not able to graduate from a normal high school which I did and my anxiety made me fail two courses had to take summer school to pass them I ended up graduating high school with a 2.67 gpa. From 20 to 24 I attended and graduated from college I’ve dropped three courses one of them twice because of my anxiety I was worried that I was gonna fail and have a low gpa so I took summer classes and passed those three classes and graduated from college with a 3.46 gpa. I took business finance which was mostly group work. Through out my late teens to late 20s I’ve held eight jobs. I worked at a chicken warehouse for three months but quit because of a family emergency and cause of anxiety since I was worried if I was compotant enough for this job and if people will judge me for making mistakes. I worked at a sticker warehouse for two days where one of the tasks was too peel a sticker out of laminated paper and I didn’t had good motor skills and the boss said it costed money to print the decals again and I got depressed and quit because I wasn’t good at that job and I didn’t want to waste anyones time. I worked at a cell phone shop for two months but had to quit because my anxiety made it hard to concentrate like remember where everything was since I only worked two days and also another family emergency. I’ve worked an election job for one day which I did good in because it was just holding a sign and handing out flyers. I’ve worked a mascot job and I was so nervous that sweat was coming out and I thought I was gonna get injured in the mascot job because I couldn’t see properly because the costume had one eye hole but they said I did good in the mascot job and will call me for future jobs. I’ve worked three sign holder jobs. One of the sign holder jobs was temporary for five months but the pandemic happened and the job was shut down which made me feel depressed and I had anxiety but I was good at it. The other sign holder job was supposed to be more months but bylaws restricted it to three months otherwise they would have to pay a fine but they thanked me for it and said I did a good job. Now I currently work as a sign holder for an all year round company operating based on contracts. I’ve lost interest in things I enjoyed like gaming and tv. I have low self esteem and I feel worthless, useless and hopeless that I won’t amount to anything other then a sign holder because I’m only good at sign holder jobs. I’m on lexpro for both anxiety and depression. I’m anxious and worry about my future like I won’t have enough to retire when I’m old and I worry about messing up in a job. I find social situations stressful but can interact with people. I have no friends, no social life, no girlfriend and no wife. I was ostracized in high school and not invited to high school parties or not invited to prom because I was in special Ed from grades 4 to 8 and not popular.

Tealeaves
Posts: 75
Joined: Wed May 05, 2021 3:54 am

Re: What caused me depression

Postby Tealeaves » Tue Jan 17, 2023 1:40 pm

Hello, I'm Tealeaves

So normally I have more to say but I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night so my brain's not working the way it should be but... still wanted to leave you a message saying that I hear you. ( not listening because brain isn't working well enough to do that, and don't take any offense it's something weird about my brain)

But I do hear you and if you would like me to listen just let me know :)


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