Depression Understood Forums

I've considered many things about myself. I've wondered if I have undiagnosed autism. I've considered that I may have untreated depression and I'm certain that I struggle with anxiety. All my life I've known something was wrong with me. Everything just felt off. I couldn't make friends. I could barley socialize with people I didn't know. While I've socially improved in adulthood, I have no close friends to speak of. My closest college friends have all drifted away living their own lives as usual and I'm left wondering if I've done something to cause it. There are many things going on in my life right now and I'm at the point where I don't know how to begin tackling these issues. The new job I took back in February has exacerbated these issues to a point that I am on the brink of mental collapse. But I can't quit because I just moved into an apartment. I'm rambling at this point but I just can't take much more. I have nowhere to turn to. My family doesn't get it. They don't understand that just meditating and going for walks isn't enough and they can't understand why this is getting to me so much. I just don't know what to do anymore.

You look uncertain of a lot of things, i think this is the cause of your stress.
To be sure you really suffer of depression and anxiety, go see a doctor.
In life not everything is your fault, and from what i've read here, your frends leaving you was bond to happen (for their study) every one takes different paths for the life they have choosen.
Do not blame yourself for your circumstances, try to think thorougly about your current state ; for exemple your feelings, what emotion you are feeling right now. Tell yourself that THIS feeling is welcome in your mind, in your heart, that he is welcome for tea, welcome to talk but that he isn't welcome to stay. (Try to check on Instagram @NajwaZebian she gives a lot of advice about mental health [this quote is from her btw] )
Walking and meditating are good to ease your mind and feel fresh but it doesn't make your mixed feelings go away.
Telling you to see life in another color and to be more positive isn't really gonna help, you have to learn that yourself in order for you to finally enjoy life in your own way.
You really look mentally exhausted, try to rest and breath out more, don't make useless events your priority for exemple your friends leaving for college ; it is not your fault at all, it's just like i said earlier everyone takes different paths in life.
Don't take my words into heart i am not an expert at all, i just felt the same way as you and i'd try to cry it all out but i was just so exhausted i couldn't cry my heart out. I was so done of feeling empty and negative i just did what i usually do (watch anime) but the fellings didn't go away i simply tried to not make it harder for me (mentally ; i overthink a lot and it really is draining).
An advice you should get therapy to really understand to cause of all of this, but if you don't want to don't worry, time is the best healer, be patient and try to adopt an animal maybe it'll help? i have cats and i love them unconditionally and they genuinely make me happy even though they are a big responsibility. If you ever want to adopt an animal have them while they're still babies This is just my advice, i hope everything goes well for you ! ♥