Rotten

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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michDo
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu May 26, 2022 9:21 am

Rotten

Postby michDo » Thu May 26, 2022 9:44 am

I'm rotting deep inside. I feel nothing but I wanted to feel something. I don't care about anyone anymore. No one knows my condition, not even my mom and close friends. So there's really no one I could talk to. They don't understand and they never do. And how I love the feeling of getting emotionally hurt. This sharp pain in my chest every time I do wrong and got scolded. I told my friend about it and she advices me but i didnt help. I dont think anyone can help me. No matter how i try to be positive and cheer myself up, its no use. I don't know why I still choose to live but I do now I'm scared to live and scared to die. I'm stuck.

corpse005
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri May 27, 2022 4:17 pm

Rotten

Postby corpse005 » Fri May 27, 2022 4:28 pm

The world doesn't care about people like us. People who claim to be so woke and acknowledge their own privilege in the same breath deny us when we ask for accomodations. I feel like such a burden. I'm too suicidal to do my homework. So I might fail and never graduate and I'll never get real work that gives me guaranteed income. I'm a burden to my partner. He pays for everything right now while I'm in school. If I fail I'll be his burden forever, unless I leave. Remove myself from his life so he doesn't have to deal with me anymore. And I'll just work shitty jobs the rest of my life, and never have enough money. And call out of work because I'm so messed up in the head and lose my job over and over. Maybe I'll actually end up homeless, I kind of did once before.

I'm a burden to myself. I hate it here so much. I wish someone had murdered me as a child before I ever had to live this long. I wish we had medically assisted dying like they do in Belgium. I wish I could die without it causing so much trauma for the people around me. But instead, if I can't beat this on my own, I'll either hurt myself so bad that I'm comatose or have brain damage, or just wreck my whole life. Because the chances are that it won't work and I won't die. I've tried 4+ times and I'm still here. Maybe I'm just too much of wimp.

Productivity over all else. Productivity is going to kill me.


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