I think my daughter hates me

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I think my daughter hates me

Postby useranonymous » Sat Nov 27, 2021 3:41 am

I'm s stay at home mum to a 3 year old. I do things everyday to try and keep her happy. We go out walking with the dog, we go to the playground, I take her to see friends in that week, go to softplay, do baking with her at home, read her stories, do cuddles, I kiss her and say I love her, I've taken her to the beach after nursery, take her to children's groups etc. They are just a few examples of my day to day life with her. Other than the obvious basics of clothing her, feeding her, seeing her in the night when's she upset or unwell.

Everytime daddy is home, she doesn't want anything to do with me. I've not taken it personally at first but now it's really getting to me and upsetting me in a big way. She comes down in the morning and I say hello, are you ok? And then I try to cuddle her and she's tells me to go away and will work herself up if I'm just stood in the same room. She scowls at me and if she's getting frustrated because she can't do something, I try to help and she's tells me no mummy, go away because daddy is home She kicks up a fight with me about going to bed because daddy had to do it and she tells me to away. She won't hold my hand or sit next to me when daddy is home.

All I feel I'm good for right now is housework and cooking. My daughter doesn't even want to have a conversation with me when daddy is home. When it's just me and her during the week, she doesn't give me half as much a hard time but as soon as daddy is home that's it, she don't let me do anything for her. I feel like such a bad mother. When daddy is home, if I try to lay in my own bed with her and my husband to have family cuddle time she tells me to go away.

As well as feeling like my own daughter hates me, my family still make me feel guilty about us moving a 45 minute drive away from them. We did this because I wanted to return to work and all my family could not committ to babysitting or working out a scedule. The houses were really expensive to buy where we lived at the time and family couldn't afford to help with that either so we decided to expand our search radius and found if we moved just about further the houses were cheaper and you got way more for your money. So that's what we did and bought a bargain of a house with a huge garden fir our daughter and dog and plenty of parking. After 2 years living here my family still make me feel guilty and excuse the swearing but they never fuc*ING admit that they couldn't do anything to help me return to work with babysitting or help us buy our first house closer to them. They left us to it, but it's still all my Fuc*ING fault!! Also I'll mention we were living with my mother in law at the time and she was very interfering when my daughter was born and there was no way I could carry on living with her.

My daughter also keeps catching cold after cold at the moment and that's making me feel very upset for her. I know it's that time if year for kids getting ill but it's horrible to see her feeling so shit all the time. Plus her coughing is isolating me at home more as everytime I go out with her and she coughs, at least one or two people will give me the dirtiest look ever like I deserve to be dragged to hell. She has been PCR tested twice now and it's not covid and all it is is a general lingering cough from a normal cold. But because of COVID, people have forgotten that kids do generally get a lingering cough after or during a cold. I've even pressed on at the doctor until they have seen her and they have listened to her chest and done other basic checks on her health and theyve said twice now that's she is all healthy and nothing to worry about. But why should I have to explain all that to these petty people who scowl at me in the food shop or out on a dog walk when she coughs?

I'm now getting body issues with myself too because I feel so down. I just also feel so useless and worthless to the point where I feel i should tell my husband to quit his job and be the stay at home parent and I go back to work full time. I wouldnt earn half as much as him, me being an ex care assistant to him being a trained, qualified and experienced agricultural engineer but maybe I'd be happier? My daughter is making it very clear that she'd rather have him around around and I'm only there to housekeep and cook and entertain her when she clearly hates me. Either I go back to work or my marriage is heading for the rocks because my emotions right now have caused many arguments and made me put a barrier. Or I just give up altogether and disappear. I really don't know what I'm good for.

I've tried getting advice off parenting forums but I just can't stick them, because quite frankly most mum's are complete bitches and their responses have been critical rather than helpful. I just don't know what to do anymore

Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 10:06 pm

Re: I think my daughter hates me

Postby Trucker911 » Thu Dec 02, 2021 10:25 am


You describe a very difficult issue. Though I am no professional when it comes to children, your daughter is at what seems to be a transitional age. And from my limited experience, there may be more of them as she grows up. Even though her parental bond seems to have shifted to her dad right now, it may be only temporary. From your description, you seem to be doing the right things at this time, and as difficult as it is, the only thing you can do is continue on in loving her, and let fate and her whims progress wherever they take her.

I know this isn't some great wisdom, or any advice that will magically make things 'all better'. I wish I had that to share with you, but it is beyond my grasp. Just know that you are not the only parent that this has ever happened to, and in most cases, things 'even out' in time.

I wish you the best, and hope that you don't become too disheartened by what is going on.
Blessings to you...

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