Depression Understood Forums

Hi I don't know what I'm experiencing, whether I'm actually depressed or I overthink too much, maybe I just don't have any passions. I feel so empty but not in a sad way. I feel like I'm just not alive, like I just exist and I'm watching things happen but I'm not really doing anything. I want this to end. I want to go back to feeling happy and sad and angry or anything. Its hard to describe how I feel. It's like a huge weight on my chest that prevents me from feeling anything. It's really a weird feeling to not be able to cry when deep down you want to. I know I have a lot of things bottled up and I want to explode but my body or my brain won't let me, everything is just blank.

I miss my friends and I'm so close to losing them but I also don't think I would feel anything even if I did which is terrifying to realize. I can't open up to anyone or ask for help. I really wish I could but I don't know what to say, all the times I've tried I was never able to really explain myself and it only made things more confusing. What do I do. I really want to die but at the same time I want to experience so much. I'm so young too, this shouldn't be normal. I would give anything to even go back to the worst days of my life just to feel alive. Idk, how do people live a normal life I really want that. I can't even function anymore. I'm not lazy but I also never do anything, I don't go outside and I don't take care of myself. All I can manage is playing video games all day because at least I'm thinking about something kinda positive or I study because I'm still in school.

I don't really want to die but I feel like there's just nothing for me. It hurt slowly watching all my interests fade but now that there's nothing left I don't feel anything. I still have my dog which is the only thing or being I actually love but he's old and I remember making a promise in elementary to die after he does. That probably wasn't a normal thought for like 10 years old but I was always so sad at that time I thought it was normal. I don't know what I'm trying to get from this but at least my life isn't completely bottled up anymore. Idk what I'm gonna do but what are your thoughts or literally anything at this point. It doesn't matter.

I feel the same way. I used to go to a counselor and she diagnosed me with clinical depression. Idk if it's depression or something else. I feel empty in a sad way. I guess I'm still alive right now because I know it would kill my mom to see me dead. It just feels like I'm a ghost sounds really edgy haha. It's kinda like I'm just floating around, I'm just a soul and not a person. Everything has sorta been going downhill. I go through stages of feelings super empty, and then super emotional/sad. I've been empty for a long time I'd say. In a way it's a relief that i'm not alone in this though.

idk anymore

. I could relate with this one. Currently I'm lost. My heart feels empty but at the same time it also feels heavy. Do the hole has a weight? If it does well then it explained the load I'm bearing. I wanted to be happy. I really do. Can I? How? I don't know. I live my life with my lifeless soul. It's either I sleep too much or sleep less. I tried everything in hope to bring back the will of live. Instead all the way I've been walking lead me back to this dark corner. I feel alone, even among the crowd. I can't cry anymore. Since when it's so hard to even cry? I don't know. I wanted to run away. I'm holding onto a thin thread of life.