Feel I'm good for nothing

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useranonymous
Posts: 60
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 1:11 pm

Feel I'm good for nothing

Postby useranonymous » Fri May 21, 2021 2:05 am

My 2.5 year old daughter keeps embarassing me in public and I'm so done with it. She has tantrums over stupid little things. For example, at softplay I wouldn't let take her sandwich into the softplay area because food is not allowed in there, she didnt want to finish eating it up the table but wanted to eat the rest in there. She also wanted to move chairs about from other tables and I said no. Well that was it then, she threw herself on the floor, writhed about kicking and screaming. I got down to her level and tried to talk to her, reason. It didn't work. I warned her to stop or we'd go home. She didn't listen so I had to practically force her shoes on while trying to hold onto a screaming child who kept intentionally throwing herself out my arms and onto the floor. Everybody was watching and I'm already so anxious. I had to pick her up and hold her like a plank to get her out of there and she wouldnt stop screaming and throwing herself about.

She keeps having more tantrums like this. Nobody could realise that depth of how shitty and useless I feel as a mother. I just feel she hates me. Dealing with her shitty little tantrums everyday, even at home, is really taking a toll on my mental health and making me a bitter person. Her speech hasn't fully come on yet so that makes it more difficult as she gets frustrated not being able to tell me what's wrong and I get frustrated trying to figure it out. I'm trying to take her out and do different stuff now as more things are opening again, but I'm so done with strangers keep looking at me because of my daughter's tantrums. That's all people effing well do, just stare. Its Fu**ing horrible. If I saw another mother going through what I was outside the supermarket or the park or anywhere, I would offer a hug and mutual support, not judgement, because sometimes us parents really really need that!

People are being nasty to eachother in the street over whether they've had the vaccine or not and first it's lockdown, then it's not. Then it's lockdown, then it's not but it still is? Then restrictions are going to be lifted fully by a certain date just to be told they might not be. I won't say what country I'm from, but the government here have been Fu*"king piss poor and completely incompetent in how they have managed this virus from the start. We should have been in lockdown from the start and not came out until there really was improvement. No wonder we need a vaccine as we are always in and out of lockdown, it's ridiculous. We come out of lockdown and everybody is flocking in high numbers to Primark and the pub. Does that really help control infection rates even with masks on. Clearly not! I am fed up of this country. Why is everyone here complaining and blaming eachother for the virus spreading when they flock out to the city to look at clothes or then go to a packed out nightclub or a really busy pub or not bother keeping distance in the supermarket. They are completely naive to say the least! I try to do my bit but not many people here actually care anymore because they say well I have a mask on, it's fine, or I've had the vaccine so I can't catch it. I can't believe some people here think they are 100 percent immune to all mutations. It does not make you completely immune, you can still catch it, it's just a lower chance. I'm not against it, but we are basically just like our prime minister's little bitches now to be herded into a sheep pen and controlled. What the hell has this country come to? There's got to be nicer countries to live surely?

I offered to go back to work to my hubby as I feel guilty he works long hours and that I don't contribute and he said to me to not be ridiculous because I'm raising our child and he doesn't want me to have to work and that his wage is plenty good enough.

I think everything I've said above has combined in my mind and I kind of feel I don't want to be here anymore. I know it's extreme to say but I'm struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I hardly get to see my family now and I don't have many friends to talk to. We moved to a new area and it lovely for a few months then covid appeared and we got locked down. All the mother and child groups stopped , swimming stopped, softplay stopped, the playgrounds shut. I had my chance to know new people taken away from me. Now things are easing I'm only now getting to know other parents and actually having the guts to ask for their number and meeting up with them. I get really lonely now. I sob away and feel I have nobody to comfort me in the day as my husband is at work. The neighbours down the road always have visitors and I don't. I've never felt so alone where I live.

Overall really what good am I as a human being? My hair keeps falling out, I think it's the stress of my daughter's challenging behaviour and then how upset I keep getting as well. Its getting a little distressing keep seeing my hair all over the floor and my clothes. Then in the bath I can pull out at least 3-4 big clumps. My general well-being and mental health is at a new low. I went to Zumba last night thinking it would help me to talk to new people and do something for me . So why did I wake up this morning sobbing again feeling like a rubbish mum. I'm done with feeling like this

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