Help: Anxiety, Depression, Feeling Hopeless
Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2021 9:54 pm
Hi. I know this pandemic has been really hard for us all, but I am drowning and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I feel like last year took everything from me. If I enlist all of my problems in here, I feel like you'll just think of them as petty problems from a petty teenager, but I have honestly never felt worse than now. I don't feel like myself anymore. I went through the worst heartbreak I've experienced almost a year ago and I can't seem to move on, even though he was the one who messed up, not me. My friends all have their respective partners and I've never felt more alone. I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression over the past year, I'm taking my meds, but it just doesn't get better. I have no life. Because of the pandemic, I barely ever leave my home (partly because I am taking care of my health, but mostly because I have no one to go out with, no one invites me anywhere). No one cares. I am unimportant. I hate the way I look, I always have, but it has become worse. I feel unlovable, as if I will never find anyone who will make me feel the way I used to with my last boyfriend, or no one will ever love me again at all.
My friends are completely unempathetic. I've tried talking to them, trying to make them understand the degree of the sadness I feel within me, but the best advice I've gotten from them is to "look on the bright side" or "look for the positive in the situation" which is honestly just ridiculous; if I COULD look on the bright side, I WOULD but the problem is I CAN'T and they can't seem to understand that. On the other hand, I can't talk to my mom about the way I'm feeling because she doesn't handle mental health issues well. Her sister committed suicide before I was born. It's something we never talk about, something I found out by accident. So I feel like she thinks that I'm on my way to becoming suicidal, which I'm not, and she goes to extremes. Today, for example, she suggested I should drop out of college and focus on my mental health this semester, which just makes me feel like she thinks I'm useless, unable to get my work done even though I have above average grades.
Like I said, I've never felt lonelier than I do right now. I honestly don't know what to do. My sleep schedule is a mess, I barely exercise anymore, if I'm not doing homework, I'm laying in bed doing NOTHING. This isn't me, but I don't know how to get better. Please, help me.
My friends are completely unempathetic. I've tried talking to them, trying to make them understand the degree of the sadness I feel within me, but the best advice I've gotten from them is to "look on the bright side" or "look for the positive in the situation" which is honestly just ridiculous; if I COULD look on the bright side, I WOULD but the problem is I CAN'T and they can't seem to understand that. On the other hand, I can't talk to my mom about the way I'm feeling because she doesn't handle mental health issues well. Her sister committed suicide before I was born. It's something we never talk about, something I found out by accident. So I feel like she thinks that I'm on my way to becoming suicidal, which I'm not, and she goes to extremes. Today, for example, she suggested I should drop out of college and focus on my mental health this semester, which just makes me feel like she thinks I'm useless, unable to get my work done even though I have above average grades.
Like I said, I've never felt lonelier than I do right now. I honestly don't know what to do. My sleep schedule is a mess, I barely exercise anymore, if I'm not doing homework, I'm laying in bed doing NOTHING. This isn't me, but I don't know how to get better. Please, help me.