"Bestfriend"

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mywords
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Nov 14, 2020 7:01 pm

"Bestfriend"

Postby mywords » Sat Dec 12, 2020 3:39 pm

Do you know this feeling ?

When your friends have their own inside jokes btw them and you just there feeling left out ? I've two amazing people in my life , i'll be forever grateful to , my two bestfriends . They have been there for me when i felt like nothing , i'm not good at showing emotions or care to anyone so i tend to seem cold or that i don't care . I saw some voice messages from one of them at 2:45 am , she was feeling down and started crying a lot because of her family issues, i didn't saw them until 2 days ago and they were from 18 nov . As if it wasn't enough , the day after i texted them , talking about myself and how i missed a lecture because i overslept . I care about them a lot , i talked about my pstd to her the one who was crying, the one i trusted with something i promised to myself i will die with alone . I told her that, since then she became one of the most important person in my life , i trust genuinely .

I have trust issue, and the mere fact that i told her this felt weird or inimaginable . I feel so bad she was crying , i promised myself that i'll be there for her and protecting her , protecting them as much as i can but i'm not good at that . Whenever, i'm having hard times i kept them to myself because both of them are precious to me , i want to be stronger for them , after crying once infront of them i promised myself to be strong . When i have hard time and try to express them i feel like i'm not valid , because i don't get the same treatment , my other bestfriend woke up that day and comforted her right away . Two months ago, i did that , i messaged them because of university and i felt overwhemed , almost crying but felt so stupid doing them so i deleted them , they just saw the "simple" ones , after that i spent the whole night crying alone.

They're so thoughful and gave me advices at the moment, but i felt different, sometimes i'm envious of their bond , they've know each other for so long and i came along , like stain in a white board . I feel ashamed of myself because i know deep in my heart , they are not doing it in purpose, they are the sweetest individuals . Because i never really had people to call my "own" as bizarre as it sounds , the first time when we decided to/called each others "Besfriend" i asked them multiple times if it was ok for me to call them "that" , if they actually wanted be "bestfriend" with someone like me ? I just needed validation . I'm weird aren't i ?

koala
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2021 3:47 am

Re: "Bestfriend"

Postby koala » Wed Mar 24, 2021 4:02 am

i feel the same way. i don't know if it's weird or not cus we're on the same page. but if its weird, then what?
well i have a friends too, and they both turned up as a couple. and i really love 'em both. but lately, they're like..distant. I can't force em, i know they both liked each other. and I'm trying to keep myself on the line, not talk too much to her boyfriend. and today i asked both of them if i should get a haircut or not. but she's mad and saying that is inappropriate sarcastically. i guess it really is inappropriate.. but i did asked both of them on chat. turns out my girl friend are with her boyfriend. so that's why she reply my text. i think imma lose my friends. wait this must be about you, sorry. well i mean like, you can force your friends to always be with you. people come and go, i always put my hope up once i get along well, turns out they all gone by now. so you should try to love yourself more, bcs in the end it's just u. if u need to rant or something just reply or else. keep going!


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