hard time

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Orchaid Lover
Posts: 30
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:47 am

hard time

Postby Orchaid Lover » Wed Dec 25, 2019 10:04 pm

I have been doing okay for the past few months but lately I've just hit a low. Honestly, this time of year is really hard for me. I had made an attempt on my life a couple years ago and it was right before Christmas that I'd hit the point where I'd given up and within a month had made the attempt. As a result this time of year just stirs up all of the negativity that had lead to that. I thought that since I was feeling really good lately maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
But then I had a grandmother come into town. I know that you're supposed to love all your family even though they are difficult to deal with but... It's not that she is blatantly mean towards me but she likes to "subtly" bring up my short comings and focus on things I haven't done or had done wrong. No one else in my family seems to notice and I know if I say anything they'll just think I'm being sensitive or dramatic. Part of it is that I'm bi and atheist as well as having depression and anxiety and a lot of that is hard for my family to deal with. The way they treat those things or some of the stuff they say hurt me. And I get that they may not mean to, and that my Grandmother probably doesn't realize that she's underhandedly negative towards me.
Still every time she comes down for the holidays it feels like I can't go home. I know that you're supposed to cut out the negative people in your life by my family won't support me and since I still live at home it won't help.
I just hate that she is constantly reminding me of all my screw ups and everything wrong with who I am. I already struggling with a lot of self hate and the last thing I need is someone else just pointing out every little flaw. I just don't know what to do.

Prycejosh1987
Posts: 424
Joined: Sun May 31, 2020 10:54 am
Location: Birmingham UK

Re: hard time

Postby Prycejosh1987 » Wed Jun 03, 2020 1:34 pm

Orchaid Lover wrote:I have been doing okay for the past few months but lately I've just hit a low. Honestly, this time of year is really hard for me. I had made an attempt on my life a couple years ago and it was right before Christmas that I'd hit the point where I'd given up and within a month had made the attempt. As a result this time of year just stirs up all of the negativity that had lead to that. I thought that since I was feeling really good lately maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
But then I had a grandmother come into town. I know that you're supposed to love all your family even though they are difficult to deal with but... It's not that she is blatantly mean towards me but she likes to "subtly" bring up my short comings and focus on things I haven't done or had done wrong. No one else in my family seems to notice and I know if I say anything they'll just think I'm being sensitive or dramatic. Part of it is that I'm bi and atheist as well as having depression and anxiety and a lot of that is hard for my family to deal with. The way they treat those things or some of the stuff they say hurt me. And I get that they may not mean to, and that my Grandmother probably doesn't realize that she's underhandedly negative towards me.
Still every time she comes down for the holidays it feels like I can't go home. I know that you're supposed to cut out the negative people in your life by my family won't support me and since I still live at home it won't help.
I just hate that she is constantly reminding me of all my screw ups and everything wrong with who I am. I already struggling with a lot of self hate and the last thing I need is someone else just pointing out every little flaw. I just don't know what to do.

My grandmother does the exact same thing. Dont pay too much attention to what she says when its negative. I think most grandmothers are like that. You dont need to hate yourself. Love yourself and everyone will see it. naturally people love and gravitate towards people that are confident and have alot of self esteem.


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